Hello gillie. Same with us..chemo brain was never mentioned by doctors. It was someone in health care that was also my wife's job..One of her work friends. It was on our last holiday in a little cottage in the Borders that I saw the change in her..a bit agitated and looking lost. She was also looking at me in a very untrusting way so we came home and we settled down for the evening. In the morning I made her some breakfast and took it to her. She was sitting on edge of bed looking confused and panicked when she saw me as a stranger..even after 27 years together. I still feel it and a bit lonely at times. ....

my husband had lucid moments but then would say the most ridicul;ous things almost childlike. Towards the end he had seizures which robbed him of his speech. They assured me he had no cancer on his brain but I had my doubts.  The lonliness is a real killer for me. I miss him so much.

I know you miss him. I miss my Josephine like nothing on earth. Take care of yourself and I'll always be your ear if it helps you through your loss. 

Hi Jim   Thank you for your reply. My husband died in January after a 6 year battle. I will miss him forever and find it difficult to cope. How are you dear xx

Hello Gillie, I Iost my wife to stage four lung cancer four months ago. She did well with ALK targeted therapy for one year and we were hopeful. But the drug stopped working and she went from bad to worse. Chemotherapy was tried as a last resort, but that made matters worse, as by that time she was too weak and frail to tolerate it, and she quickly went down, suffered a lot and finally died six months later. It feels like my whole World is gone, life feels empty, it’s tough and it hurts. I know exactly how you feel. But the degree of grief varies from person to person and depends on the lenght of marriage, depth of love and nature of relationship. You have my sympathies. Raymond

Hello Smitheries,

I wonder if anyone has heard of ALK targeted therapy which is only used in the five percent of all cancer patients that carry the ALK cancer gene. It usually occurs in non smokers and otherwise healthy people. My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in August 2017. She was treated with Crizotinib, an ALK targeted therapy drug which worked wonders for one year, the  tumour  shrunk by 80% and we remained hopeful and positive. Then suddenly things changed, the cancer gene mutated and Crizotinib was no longer effective. Other ALK targeted thrapies were subsequently tried, but all failed. Chemotherapy was tried as a last resort, but by that time my wife was too frail and weak to tolertate such a potent and powerful drug,and she quickly went down. She died two weeks after Chemo was initiated. I’m into my sixten month of grief. My daughter, son and three grand children keep me going, we support each other and spend a lot of time with each other. But after 49 years of happy marriage, it’s not the same, you feel something is missing and life is empty, part of you is gone and you are searching for that part.  The pain is overwhelming, especially when you arrive home, lock your doors and find yourself stearing at reality straight in the face. You begin to panic and say to yourself, oh no, I want out. But you think of your loved ones, and that’s also reality.

But it’s amazing how people like me and you will still have room in our hearts to be able to sympathise with others through hard times like these. I hope that as time goes by, things will get easier for us. Take care, and wishing you a peaceful afterlife, as for me at least, that’s what it is. Raymond

Sorry Smitheries, my iPad freaked out. I wanted to end by saying it’s amazing how people like me and you do still have room in their hearts, even through hard times like these, to be able to sympatise with others. Take care. I hope that as time goes by things will get easier for you. I wish you a peaceful afterlife, as for me at least, that’s what it is. Raymond

Hi Jim... Its comfortinng to know people care and are going through the same hell. I feel I cant cope at present as I miss him so, so much. I have recently enlisted as a Cancer Research volenteer. It involves a little fund raising for them. You know, cakes, selling books and such like. I wish I was braver and could try and walk forward without him but I am very lonely without him. I pray things will get better

How are you doing, any tips please

Best regards Gillie

Hello Raymond.... as you say, grief can not be measured and everyone tries to tackle it as best they can. I loved him so very much, he was my world. My life now is meaningless and sadly 7 months on since his demise I am feeling worse.

I am now feeling so envious of the people around me that still have what I once had.

Best wishes to you

Gillie