Hello Becs,

I'm sure that some of our members will be along shortly to share their experiences and words of wisdom with you. In the meantime I wanted to let you know that we have a section on our Cancer Help page about coping emotionally with cancer which has lots of information including a section about talking to children that you might find helpful for now or in the future.

We also have a great team of nurses that you can call to speak to. They are available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040 (free to call from a UK landline) so if you think that talking to them may be of help to you, please do give them a call.

I think that many of our members would agree that taking things a day at a time is important and I hope that in the meantime this information is of use.

Sending best wishes,

Jenn

Cancer Chat moderator

Thanks for your reply. I know there is professional help out there but I wanted to speak to people who are going through the same thing as me. I am only 28 and I hate the thought of leaving my babies with no mum. I have bought their birthday cards upto them being 30 and cards for when they pass their exams, driving test, buy a new home etc. I have bought birthday presents for their special birthdays. I am in the process of doing a scrapbook and a memory box. I really do hope there is someone out there is going through the same thing x

Hi Becs, you sound like a very caring and loving Mom to your two young children and I am so sorry that you are facing this difficult challenge in your young life. I don't have young children as mine are all grown with kids of their own, but I have two grandkids that depend a lot on me for guidance in their young lives. They are 21 and 24 now, but still want direction from time to time. Their father, my son, died when they were 10 and 13 years old. I know this was very difficult for them and I am so glad that I was able to provide them with the care they needed back then. Of course, no one can take the place of a child's parent and I hope that you will be in the lives of your children for a long time to come. Having said that, you have really put together some special things for your children in the future and these will mean so much to them if anything does happen to you. I hope that you have family members that are involved with your children now, so that they will be comfortable in accepting support from these family members in future, if needed.

I hope that someone on here who is closer in age to you will reply soon. Cancer shouldn't happen to anyone, but it sure shouldn't happen to parents of young children.

Take care and come back when you can and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs

Lorraine 

Hi Becs,

First of all, sorry to hear about your situation.  I can definitely relate as I too were told earlier this year that my Cancer was incurable and I have only months to live.  I am 31 and married, I have a 5 year old boy, and a 2 year old girl and they are my absolute world.  When I was told my terrible news, the first thing that came in to my mind was the children, I struggled to deal with the fact that I was going to leave them at such a young age, and I feared they wouldn't remember me as their Daddy, especially my 2 year old girl.  The first few weeks were spent discussing things with my wife, family, and closest friends.  Then once it had sunk in, I explained to my 5 year old son about my illness, and that I won't be getting better.  It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  He is a very bright boy for his age, and he even asked questions and showed a lot of understanding.  We are not a very religious family, but it did help me to talk about an afterlife where we would all be together one day.  He was sad initially, and it probably hasn't fully registered with him properly, but we find that if we bring the subject up now and again, he gets more and more understanding of it all, and maybe when the worst case comes, he will,be able to deal with it a little easier.  Given our situations, I can only recommend spending as much time with your children and loved ones as possible, making the most of every minute, and most importantly, staying positive.  You never know what miracles lie ahead, and while we are still here there's always a chance!  I hope I have helped a bit, if you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask me.

Ps. I think it's a great idea what you are doing with the cards etc, I have still to sort that kind of thing out, but not really looking forward to it as I would feel like I'm accepting defeat.  But it does need doing sooner rather than later.

Take care,

DJ x

Hi,

  Please have faith in god .Never lose hope.Please do not worry about your kids.God will arrange for taking care of them

.Even though it is easier to say these things, it is always better not to worry.Let us spend the rest of our life  to our satisfaction.

Narasimhan

Hi DJ

Thank you for replying. My boys do not really know anything and I just don't know when to tell them. All they know is that I had to have some special medicine to make mummy poorly tummy better and that it might make me sick for a bit. I'm currently on a break from chemo but I have been in pain so they sent me for a scan and found something wrong with my bladder. I have just recently had a biopsy and I am now waiting for the results. I'm thinking that if it is bad news to tell the boys more and maybe tell them that mummy can not be cured,what do you think? How did you word it to your children that you were actually going to die?

Beci

Becs,

Hope you are doing ok. I know it's difficult while waiting for results, just try and keep your head up and hope for positive news.  When I explained my situation to my son, I first told him that I'm very poorly and I won't be getting better.  I worded it this way because throughout all my treatment, he would keep asking when I was going to get better.  I then told him that the doctors couldn't always make everyone better, and that eventually my body will be too tired to fight the disease and I would fall asleep for a long time.  I didn't actually use the word "die", it was him that questioned me if I was going to.  I then went on to talk about how he would take over me as the man of the house and he had to look after mummy and his sister, I thought this would give him a feeling of importance and stop him getting too focused on me.  After telling him I would not be around anymore, we talked about the day when we would all see each other in another place, a nice place, and we would all be a family again.  He was upset during this conversation, and he didn't sleep well on that night, but we felt he had to know what was happening, and like I said in my previous post, every so often we bring the subject up so we know he fully understands as much as he can.  I hope this helps Becs.  Good luck with your results.

DJ x

Hi Beci

You aren't alone in worrying about how to tell your children about your cancer.

There is some information on this section of Cancer Chat that you may find helpful.

Best wishes

Jane

Hey xbecx,  yes i can sympathize with you.  I as well have a 4 year old and in march i was  diagnosed with a glioblastoma which carries a pretty low survival rate unfortunately.  I have spoken with her about ny illness and she understands that i have a boo boo but asks all the time if its better yet. Ive tried to explain as per advice on pamphlets but i think my girl is just too young to grasp the severity of it.  So im going to consult my oncology team on how to approach it.  

Im so sorry, youre not alone 

Bill