Hi Susanne - I am so sorry to hear your story. It is a devastating disease, I think in the way it destroys strong men, who are practical and hardworking. When Martin was diagnosed I knew it wasn't going to be easy and despaired. I didn't even know of any treatments, as you have probably read he has had an operation to remove the pleura, so I had to nurse him as it knocked him for six.  Then he had chemo six weeks afterwards, so as well as this disease he had to endure all this. I have to say it hasn't been an easy ride.  He is doing ok, the actual thing, is slow growing due to the chemo he had, but he gets these fevers every three weeks. The doctors can't explain them and think his immune system is fighting,  we have persuaded them to let him have antibiotics for these times as well.  These times knock him back, not eating and very sleepy, we are going through one again now.  He is going to have more chemo to see if this will relieve them. It did before when he was on it. 

I find myself not wanting to talk to anyone.  I feel we are retreating into our own little world, thank goodness for this site, where people understand what we are going through. Friends are great but do not know yet what it is like and all the emotions that are involved. They tell us of their lives and what they are doing, holidays and so forth, and all we can see is this big void and will we make it to the next celebration. Love to you. B

Hi Jules

I am not too sure about the antidepressants either but I do know they help to numb the panic and dreads that I feel, and they help me sleep. Your parents sound lovely. I lost my mother when I was in my thirties,  lung cancer of all things, she was diagnosed in January and died in the June. But that was back in the eighties.  Martin has had his own business so therefore has never worked in factories, hospitals or any other place with asbestos. The only thing he can remember is brake shoes on cars used to be lined with it and he started work in a garage in the sixties.  We have a couple of friends who have asbestos fibres in their lungs - one a plumber and the other electrician, as yet no ill effects. I think you are right and something triggers it off. His younger brother died suddenly four years ago and this was an awful shock for him, his mother had dementia and she died two years ago, he had to cope with all her affairs, we just got them sorted and he fell ill. So I think stress brings these things on.  B

HiBarbara

My hubby's contact with Asbestos was in childhood - his Dad was in the building trade and used to bring home toys made of it!!!  (Of course in those days they were not aware of the problems it could cause). As you say very hit and miss as to who gets 'affected' - both of my hubby's siblings (i older, 1 younger have shown no signs of problems).  My Dad's cancer was prostate with secondary lung cancer but then he chose not to have treatment and celebrated his 85 birthday and their anniversary just weeks before he died and that had been his goal bless him.  I am afraid I have never had a close rapport with my Mum (long difficult mental history did not help whilst I was growing up) though I still visit weekly at present.

Am pleased that the medication you are taking is helping with the panicky feelings.  I tend to find it worse not knowing whats going on and so as hubby has just had a check up I am relatively calm at present as 'have up to date picture' and feel better able to cope.  When new symptoms crop us then the 'questions' sit in my head and  dwelling on them does not help!.  Hope you have a peaceful weekend.Jules x

Evening Rainbowdash

Just hoping your Dad was feeling a little better when he woke and you coping okay.Jules x

Hi - what a weekend. Martin is in Intensive Care. His temperature went to 40 in early hours of Sunday and very unwell, I called an ambulance. Sunday was dreadful he was rapidly deteriorating,  they have pumped him full of antibiotics and he is on a ventilator to give his lungs some help.   Yesterday he started to improve and may come off it today.  Reading this through I can't believe it has come to this and don't know how I have coped. My girls are all here bless them. Seeing them so upset is unbearable, so I am trying to be strong. It seems al unreal. We are worried that this may affect his chances of any more chemo, his oncologist came to see him yesterday and said when he recovers from this we can hopefully continue. B

Hi Barbara

What a traumatic weekend for you all but at least with Martin being in hospital he is now showing signs of improvement and they can hopefully get to the bottom of these repeated fevers.  From what little I know of chemotherapy treatment provided the body recovers (and blood tests were always taken prior to treatment to check on the levels of white and red cells during my hubby's treatment) then they can resume treatment whilst it is still beneficial.  Martin's oncologist will have all his relevant records and I am sure once he is stable again then the consultant will be letting him know what the next course of action will be.  I am pleased you have your children with you (ours too are very supportive as and when needed but we do try and keep everything 'normal' inbetween - not always easy I know).  Of course, as yet we have not been faced with emergency admissions as I am sure I will be a mess when this does occur.  I am very open with our daughter as she prefers to know whats going on (her way of coping as she likes to make sure our eldest grandson (nearly 6) can have his questions answered with the truth as he visits regularly) and she told me she does not want me to 'protect' her as we need the support of each other.  When the emotions take over (as they will do) then we have group hug!  Sending virtual hugs to you all and hope that Martin continues to make progress. Jules x 

Good morning all,

Barbs, I'm so sorry to hear that your hubby is in hospital! You must have been terrified.  Its good to know your girls are supporting you.  How's he doing now?  Is he off the venilator?

We have some news.  I took my dad to his oncologist appt yesterday.  Unfortunately he collapsed when we were getting him from the car into the wheelchair.  It was so upsetting.  Some passersby had to help us and it really took the wind out of his sails.  I was terrified of breaking his ribs whilst trying to lift him as he is so thin!  When we got into the appointment, the Consultant was clearly shocked by the deterioration in his appearance and his frailty.  He politely but firmly recommended no more chemo for at least 6-8 weeks until my dad can get a bit stronger.  To be honest, I was kind of expecting this but it was still upsetting and my mum and I were in pieces.  I think my dad has found some peace in this news.  We are telling him that we will build him up so that he can restart the chemo (although I really think this is unlikely).  I then went straight to our hospice to ask for some help and they were fantastic.  They sent the impact team round immediately to assess him and hopefully, mum will get some help with the physical stuff.

He is going into hospital today for another blood transfustion so hopefully, he will improve somewhat over the next couple of days.

Hope you are bearing up.  It certainly is a rollercoaster with more downs than anything else but please know we are all here for you whenever you need to offload. x

Hi jules, thanks for your post.  How're you guys doing this week?

Hi - Rainbowdash - I am so sorry to hear of your news.

Jules and Rainbowdash - I don't honestly know how I am coping with this. It seems to be unreal. I phoned Hospital this morning and Martin had blood transfusion in night. He is off the ventilator but has an oxygen hood as couldn't tolerate the mask. He is still on dialysis as his blood pressure fell so low.  His lung is still very full of pneumonia. I will go at lunch time and can be with him until this evening. He is improving, he is having everything they can give him, but He is so tired.  We are in pieces too. So worried about him and watching him suffer is unbearable. B

Hello B Iam so glad hubby is a little  better this morning what a worrying time for you and your family My hubby had a few hospital admissions during his illness he had a pulmenery embolisum on lung we nearly lost him then and he also had sepsis and was realy ill it was such a worrying time so I think I know what you are going through as a family how we cope I dont know but we do somehow, I hope hubby continues to do well,look after yourself  though  ,I will be thinking  of you take care Susananne x .......