Hi Gina .... firstly well done for getting through the treatment thus far and good news that it will all soon be over for you. I had terrible problems with my veins and the doctors fitted me with a portacath in my chest for infusions and bloodtests - and its wonderful!  Saying that, my treatment is ongoing and it is a permanent fixture for me. However, I just wondered if you could ask your oncologist/chemo nurse if there is anything similar that is used as a temporary measure - could they put something like a hickman line in the chest. Obviously, I have no idea how these things work and if it requires surgery to be fitted or if there is a line that can just be put it and flushed regularly. May be worth the question though. Good luck with everything x

Max

Thank you for your reply I've seen your name so often on this site - your story has had a huge impression on me I am so in awe of your supportive approach despite your own illness.

I'm not sure if they will do anything at the hospital with regards to putting a line in - i think as you say that if i've 'only' got four sessions left I might just have to tough it out. But I will ask :-) I'm going to try sitting with a hot water bottle and see if that makes extending it any easier. It doesn't help that the other arm is still compromised because I've still got quite bad cording but the physio seems to be helping progress there although sideways movement is still very restricted and tight. It's all the 'extra' things that get to you, and there are more the further through the treatment we go.

As has been said on here it's often difficult to get the right support from friends/family as they (quite understandably) don't know the right things to say. I feel as though i'm complaining if I talk to them about any problems because they know me as a strong person so they expect me to sail through it. And I don't like to worry people.

I've got a daughter in her second year at Uni who has been lovely and texts/calls me all the time, and a son in his first year who has been... well as supportive as an 18 year old boy can be! it's actually quite amusing to watch him dealing with life after he's spent the last seven years in his bedroom. Bet he will be proud of me and my new cyber activity!

Apart from that it's just me and my dog Toby who is loving the fact that I'm at home all day with him although he's a very active springer who pulls on the lead so I'm not able to walk him locally I have to drive him somewhere and let him out of the boot like a bullet!

So it has been a great source of comfort to me since November to read through the moving conversations and friendships made on here.

And this is my 'good' week so I need to get out there and make the most of today's sunshine and go for a walk - with, obviously, my best friend the beanie hat!

I hope things are stable for you at the moment

Gina xx

Hi Gina,

Glad  to read you're back on form. And you're nearly half way there with your chemo! It's amazing how soon the time goes, especially after the half way mark. The finishing line seems to come into view pretty quickly after that!

I hope you didn't feel 'stalked' by my additional post - no apology necessary for not replying sooner,  I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

It's great that your Sophie has now secured a placement. I know a few young adults (friends children) who have struggled to 'move on' with the next steps of their education / working life - and not through any lack of trying on their part! It really does seem tough at the moment. Your job certainly sounds a rewarding one, though I'm guessing, frustrating sometimes?

It's taken my Sophie 3 years (post-grad) to get on her chosen career path, course! But that's her sorted now for the next two and a half years! My perpetual student daughter!

My son (coincidently, also a Rob!) is in his final year at Uni. Hopefully, he's got his head in a book as he's in the midst of final exams! His approach to learning is much more laid back than his sister's! He has absolutely no idea what he wants to do when he graduates!

Race For Life eh? Good for you! I've done it a couple of times, but many years ago! It's great that your friend and Sophie are doing it with you. I did it with friends and the commeradery (sp?) was brilliant - even though they did run faster than me!

Well, two weeks at work ticked off! I did struggle with the sniffles at the end of the week though! In reality, I could have done with Thursday in bed, but I didn't think it would have looked too good, ringing in sick! Hehe!

I self medicated a medicinal sherry! It seemed to do the trick - I slept all night and woke up on Friday feeling brighter, though still with a red nose!

Not sure whether that was from the constant wiping or the sherry!

My boss has willingly authorised another 'phased' week next week - almost back up to full time, but 2 half days off! It's then only 3 weeks until we break up for Easter!

You kindly asked about my next treatment plan. I've just had a date through for my next MRI scan (Easter Saturday at 6.00 pm) What a strange date and time! I've had weekend appointments before, but I presumed there would be no appointments over the Easter weekend!

This has slightly scuppered my plan about not telling my family when my appt was (I know they worry and I wanted to protect them from too many weeks of fretting!) My mum is likely to invite us to stay for Easter, so I'll either have to tell a little white lie, or just tell them about the scan!

Still got a few weeks to be 'vague' yet!

This scan will be the decider as to whether I can have a liver resection op - or not! The magic number is 3! If there are still only 3 tumours present (last scan showed 3) I will have an operation. If more tumours have developed, we may have to look at alternatives! Not sure what they are yet! Chemo is not an option as I showed an intolerance to it - one of the 5% who do!   (Apologies if I've said all this in previous posts!)

There is so much that is up in the air at the moment, hence the 'Going back to work' strategy! Keep my mind full of literacy, numeracy and children's chatter! Rather than the dark 'what ifs?' But I'm not worrying as it's out of my control! Que sera, sera and all that!

Well, it's dull but dry here, so I'm planning an hour or two in the garden. My partner power hosed the patio yesterday so its gleaming appearance has inspired me to make the rest of the garden look as impressive! Though Alan Titchmarsh I'm not!

Enjoy your weekend, Gina. Hope it involves a gentle walk and some lunch with friends or family!

And there's no rush to reply!

Love and hugs to you, Jo xx

Hi Jo!

I think I've finally shifted this cough/cold after three weeks! I've been trying to lead an almost normal life this week, lunches out, canal walks and manicures! And there's you back to full time next week! I hope you are 'phased in' and will be able to stay on top of everything for three more weeks - Easter is a busy time.

Easter Saturday IS a strange time to have a scan - but I suppose it's not significant in the hospital calendar. I'm sure it's preying on your mind but your routine will help you hold on. Have you fessed up to the family yet? I really hope you get a good result Jo - neither is an enviable outcome but to know it can be controlled will be such a boost.

Sophie AND Rob??? that is a spooky coincidence! And they sound similar in character too - I'm so proud of mine - seems as you have said before, that we did a good job!!

I am meeting my dad and his partner for lunch today, they have been in Cape Town for their annual two month disappearing trick to avoid the British winter - all right for some! So he has been completely unaware of what I have been going through. If he tries to be concerned and sympathetic I'm afraid he might get a mouthful! even if he is 77.

It's lovely to have someone to keep in touch with Jo so don't think you're stalking me! I'm trying not to think about next week because I know it will be rubbish, but at least then I will be on the downward slope and next time I see the oncologist (in three weeks) we will be talking about radiotherapy! If that's not a sign that the chemo is coming to an end then I don't know what is!

Take care and keep on keeping on. We are good at that.

Love Gina xx

Hi Gill

I hope  your chemo session went okay and you are not suffering too much, I have been thinking about you. I saw my oncologist on Friday and I'm all set for round 4 on Monday, I always refer to it that way as it feels like a boxing match - I WILL win, but I'm getting bashed about a bit in the process! The nurses have told me not to Google so much as I know too many negative side effects of the dreaded Taxotere! so I have decided I'm not thinking about it any more!

I have booked tickets to see Dawn French in June :-) think I'll be more than ready for a night out and a giggle by then, and to celebrate the end of my chemo all being well! so my calendar now has something on it for June, July (Race) and September (Portugal)!  :-)

Take care of yourself Gill and chat when you can.

Love Gina xx

Hi Gina,

I hope you had a good lunch with your dad and his partner and you didn't need to tell him off!

How are things going this week? I know you were anticipating a bad week ( I remember chemo being a case of a bad week, an ok week and a good week, then back to bad again!)

Sorry I'm not writing very inspirational prose, I think I've used up all my energy in the classroom, keeping 30 little 'sponges' on task!

My eyelids are already drooping and the Emmerdale credits haven't even run yet!

Bed seems a very welcome prospect! Hot chocolate and The Great British Sewing Bee! How sad am I?

Keep smiling, lovely lady. Don't feel you have to reply, just know I'm thinking about you!

Love and hugs to you, Jo xx

Hi Jo!

Monday's session was really good and I came away high on steroids for a couple of days! but the freight train hit last night so I'm feeling a bit bruised today:-( although I'm sure it will only be for a few days (she said hopefully!) I can't taste ANYTHING which i've not had before, it's disgusting. I just want to enjoy eating something nice! At least I haven't got that awful chemo fog that I got with the FEC so that's a bonus - my head is clear (well as clear as it ever is!!).

It was good to see my dad again, we cleared the air and he's coming over to take Toby out for me - I've been feeling guilty that no-one has given him a good run for a while.

Hopefully my taste buds will have recovered a bit by the weekend - I think I'm in for an M&S treat from the kids on Sunday!

Hope everything is going well for you and you are still taking things steady - don't burn yourself out!!

Lots of love

Gina xx

Hi Gina,

So sorry for the late response! I don't seem to log in as often as I used to before I started back to work!

I remember that cycle of the steroid 'high' then the inevitable low that followed a few days later!

I never experienced loss of sense of taste, though I did have that feeling where some foods seemed to take on a thick, mallow type consistency!

Even water tasted 'thick' and didn't refresh my mouth at all! Chemo seems a life time ago for me and as it's no longer a treatment option for me, I know I won't be going through what so many on here will be experiencing. A real two edge sword!

I hope you enjoyed your M and S meal and a visit from your kids on Mothers' Day. My two came over and we had a delicious brunch then went  out and bought . . . a puppy!

A delightful Border Collie aged 9 weeks. We've named him Paddy and I have to say, a week and half in and he's already changed our lives. Mainly for the better, but boy those puppy teeth can't half nip!

What with work and a new puppy routine, I'm feeling a bit jaded and really looking forward to the Easter break! Only two more days to limp through and then two weeks off!

My next scan falls in the holiday (apologies if I'm repeating myself!) but I'm guessing that I won't have the results until early May so I'm expecting to go back to work after the holiday. We won't be going away anywhere, but family are coming over to stay a night, so we have a few treats planned!

Forgive my memory, but am I right in thinking you've not got many chemo sessions left now?

Hope you're still managing the PICC line ok? It's always a risky business recommending a procedure to someone else! But, it worked for me!

Take care, and hope you're doing ok,

Love Jo xx

Hi Jo

Lovely to hear from you. I've been a bit 'incommunicado' the last few weeks as the Taxotere hit me pretty hard. I was lulled into a false sense of security by those steroids! and after three days the freight train hit! Never experienced anything like that before and REALLY not looking forward to next week. But hey ho it's got to be done!

So happy to hear your news about Paddy! I bet you are having some laughs as well as some frustrating times! Do you use a crate in the house? they can be a godsend if you are out of the house for a length of time and he is happy to use it. But border collies are so intelligent they learn  very quickly and are (usually) very obedient. I love them!

When you say you are intolerant to chemotherapy does that mean that it doesn't work for you or that you have a reaction to it Jo? It is as you say a double edged sword - I guess you don't know what the alternative is. I am really hoping

that your scan shows no further tumours and that they can go ahead with the surgery - another sword! Talk about life on the edge Jo! But you are (outwardly) coping brilliantly and getting on with things, I'm learning such a lot from everyone's attitude on here, such strong and determined people.

The PICC line is just part of me now and I'm getting used to rolling over in the bath to wash my head one handed! So glad I went for that option it has saved me a lot of discomfort in the long run. I'm 'doing' Easter this weekend as I will be completely bedridden next weekend based on the experience of the last cycle:-( so I'm going out with the kids for lunch on Saturday and having friends over Sunday.

You are correct :-) :-) - Monday's session is number 5 of 6!!! so near and yet so far. I'm looking to the end of May to start radiotherapy and will hopefully be back at work by July. My manager came for a home visit last week (more of a cuppa and a chinwag!)  and she said that I can do a phased return and that it could be a very loose arrangement based on how I'm feeling, which was very comforting. My job doesn't exist now! as they have made some changes in the organisation since I was last there in November - but she said she's not concerned as she knows I will find something to get my teeth into as soon as I get to grips with what's been going on!

Are you going to take Paddy puppy training? I really recommend it, it's a good thing to get into a discipline and the dogs love it too, I'm sure he'll be top of the class!

Keep smiling Jo and I hope all goes well over Easter for you and the family.

Love and hugs

Gina xx

Hi Gina,

Well here I am, lounging in bed, catching up with forum friends!

So sorry you've had a rough time, but the end of May is in sight now!

I'm so glad the PICC line is working out for you. For quite a few days after I had mine removed, I found myself still making allowances for it - holding my arm out of the bath, putting my handbag on the opposite arm etc!

I hope your early Easter weekend is lovely. I can relate to 'Festival moving'  as we postponed Christmas last year (wow, was it only 4 months ago?!) and had it on December 29th as I was having a bad time with the chemo! The bonus was that we didn't have to wait long to celebrate the New Year! Haha!

You asked about my chemo, Gina. Unfortunately I had a severe reaction to it - in it's tablet form it hospitalised me, though the doctors weren't 100% certain it was the chemo at this point and they swayed between a blocked stoma or post surgical adhesions causing the severe abdominal pain!

After a second trip to A and E and a 6 night stay in hospital, the oncologist put me on infusion chemo (hence the picc line)

This was great for two sessions, but then the cummulative effect took hold and I was in agony again! (Hence the postponement of Christmas!)

I had an appointment with my Oncologist on New Year's Eve, and I was fired up to say "No more chemo, thank you very much!" But he said it for me!

It would appear I'm one of the 5% of patients who are intolerant to it (my liver lacks an enzyme -?- which processes the drug!) So, chemo of any sort is no longer an option for me - I was having the most gentle of chemo and couldn't cope with it, so it's a bit of a bummer! No pun intended!

It was great that your manager came to see you and how supportive and flexible she sounds regarding your going back to work. My boss and colleagues have been amazing and enabled me to get through 6 weeks of work - yes, I'm a bit weary and pleased that its the holidays, but I feel buoyed up having done it!

So we're looking forward to 2 weeks of bonding with Paddy. We do have a crate for him - he really doesn't like having the door shut, but as you say, it's a godsend when we nip out! We're not sure about puppy classes - he seems to be quite quick at picking things up and already sits and goes to his bed when told! Toilet training is a bit hit and miss! We seemed to be making strides but then a few 'accidents' appeared in the hall! Thank goodness for wooden floors and antibacterial spray!

Ive never had a dog, but I'm already smitten!

Enjoy your Easter celebrations and I look forward to chatting again soon - but no rush!

Love to you, Jo xx

Hi Gina,

Just dropping by to say Hi and hope things are ok?

Hope you have a great Bank Holiday Weekend and that your treatment isn't causing you any problems or making you feel too tired or unwell.

Hugs to you, Jo xx

Hi Jo!

I've not been using the site recently I must admit and it was lovely to see you'd said hello :-) thank you.

The last two sessions wiped me out a bit (well more than a bit actually) and I have been in a lot of pain and had hideous mouth ulcers and a horrid slimy mouth, but I know that is relatively normal so I thought I'd just 'get on with it'. However on Friday when I saw my oncologist before the LAST INFUSION :-) ;-) on Tuesday she said that I need not have suffered, and that she could reduce the dose by 10% without reducing the effect of the Taxotere, which she has duly done. So here's hoping for an easier end to this whole business than I was anticipating.

I'm due to have three weeks of radiotherapy in June, plus an extra 'booster' week because I'm under 50 (only just, but hey! I'll have it). Perhaps foolishly I have arranged to go back to work during the rads as I can juggle the appointment with a phased return process and still receive full pay. Not only that but I am keen to get back to a new 'normal'. I have plenty of unused annual leave and bank holiday entitlements to take, which will carry me through if I have overestimated my energy levels!

I have quickly read your good news about the scan results, I'm so pleased for you :-) and I hope puppy is behaving himself and giving you and your family much pleasure.

Love, Gina xx

Hi Jo!

I've not been using the site recently I must admit and it was lovely to see you'd said hello :-) thank you.

The last two sessions wiped me out a bit (well more than a bit actually) and I have been in a lot of pain and had hideous mouth ulcers and a horrid slimy mouth, but I know that is relatively normal so I thought I'd just 'get on with it'. However on Friday when I saw my oncologist before the LAST INFUSION :-) ;-) on Tuesday she said that I need not have suffered, and that she could reduce the dose by 10% without reducing the effect of the Taxotere, which she has duly done. So here's hoping for an easier end to this whole business than I was anticipating.

I'm due to have three weeks of radiotherapy in June, plus an extra 'booster' week because I'm under 50 (only just, but hey! I'll have it). Perhaps foolishly I have arranged to go back to work during the rads as I can juggle the appointment with a phased return process and still receive full pay. Not only that but I am keen to get back to a new 'normal'. I have plenty of unused annual leave and bank holiday entitlements to take, which will carry me through if I have overestimated my energy levels!

I have quickly read your good news about the scan results, I'm so pleased for you :-) and I hope puppy is behaving himself and giving you and your family much pleasure.

Love, Gina xx