caz -- 4 weeks!  I'm now approaching 5 years, and I can tell you that it does get gradually, gradually, gradually better.  But 4 weeks -- well, 4 months, I was still in an altered mental state.  Yes, of course feeling like he's going to walk in any moment.  There are some good books I read.  Joan Diderot did one.  Plus I joined a group with hospice that just discussed grief.  Don't know if it helped but it probably did.

Grief never goes away.  I guess like losing your leg or your eyesight, you are jolted and life will never be the same but you become more and more accustommed and start to make do.  Grief will always be part of you as your husband will.  But the panic, the horror, all those most intense horrible feelings do gradually soften (although they can pop up, especially the first year or so, when you least expect and you think you've moved on), but you do really get used to your new life as a widow.   I have by now. I will say we were lucky to have had a wonderful oncologist, tho a bad experience at the end for a clinical trial (when all else failed). By the way, and I'm not religious, but he has communicated with me a couple times -- not in the first 4 wks but later..  You may get that.  Show him how resilient you are if you can.  Thank you for your offer of help.  I bet there are a lot of people you can help -- but maybe I'd wait a bit first.  You are on rocky ground right now.  

Hello all

I have just started this journey with my husband. He has terminal esophageal cancer which was diagnosed a month ago. Its so difficult to get head around it all. 

Agatha,

In some ways, you are perhaps past the worst, which was for me the day we found out -- saddest day ever.  My husband died 5 years ago now, of esophageal cancer.  They had many drugs which helped -- my husband so much -- went from almost dying in a matter of weeks (super fast--not discovered until well into stage 4), needing transfusion, to really back to himself, going back to work, and we traveled all around (his desire --stubborn man), once he got started on his first stuff, which was a combination of one of the platins (forget which one) and 5FU.  PLUS herceptin (which is an antibody because his cancer has some weak signs of being her2 positive) which acted like a temporary miracle.  Does your husband possibly have her2 positive? Anyway, after 6 months of borrowed time, meds started to fail and he was switched to doxyrubin (someting like that), which was much harsher and which did n't do anything.  PLUS, the herceptin he'd taken had kicked out all the her2 positive genes, which meant now there was no more antibody miracle.  10 months in we tried a clinical trial in Bostin, flying up every week.  It didn't work.  By about a year after he first got really sick, it all came back.  Two more months and he died here at home.  At the very end, needed hospice to come out to house to give their emergency kit and a bed.

If he had the same thing now, would be focusing on the new immunology approaches which are doing wonders.  They didn't have any trials yet for him.  But they've made so much progress.  Get the cancer's genes evaluated, if you can.  There really are more and more miracles now out there.   Good luck. 

Oh, and at first, contacted Cancer Centers -- what a horrible experience.  Here he was quickly dying, weakened to a wheelchair, and the itinerary they prepared for him when we were to come there didn't even have him seeing an oncologist until day 3!  Instead it was all yoga, nutrition, blah blah blah.  When we cancelled, got very rude treatment from the "salesman" who had registered us.  Guess he lost a commission.

Hello Dee,

I am so very sorry that this is happening in your lives and it is always hard to know what to say. Even though I had my experience of this cruel illness yours will be different.  You will be totally upside down at the moment. I promise you that you will somehow cope and you will get through it. It is a day by day thing so do not be hard on yourself. I still remember getting the news about my husbands terminal diagnosis and the rest is a fog but we managed by accepting all the help and support that was offered so please take it. Ask lots of questions because knowing what is going on gives you some control. On a practical level I found Marie Curie, Macmillan and Maggies to be amazing. They offered practical and emotional support. My first husband was diagnosed also with cancer. His was a rare form of occular cancer (sorry I cant remember the fancy name for it). He was referred to a specialist in Liverpool who arranged proton beam treatment for him. It was a long shot but thankfully it worked. May I suggest that you mention this to your doctor.

Its taken me a long time to accept that asking for help and crumbling doesnt mean I am weak so please do not be hard on yourself.

I wish this wasnt happening to you. Sending you love.

Janet x

Hi I'm new don't really know we're to turn my loving husband of 23 years has stage 4 stomach cancer hasn't yet got he's prognosis I'm terrified in case they isn't any treatment 

I posted like you, 8-9 years ago.  Frantic.  I am now 7 years after husband died.  I can tell you thaat today and tonight is likely to be the worst time of all.  The shock of it, all the fading dreams for the future.  So sorry.   But enjoy the time you will have with him, or you will wish you had. PS I am assuming there is no magic bullet -- but you never know and never give up looking for it.  Cancer treatment is advancing so fast. 

Hi everyone, 

wow it's been a while. I posted on here December 2012. 
I wish I got back sooner, but had so much going on at the time as you all well know as all in similar situations. Thank you to all that reached out, I've spent the evening reading through and was very emotional. 
 

so sadly my husband passed away in September 2014. Was a long brave Battle in a hospice with me by his side. Our baby boy is now just turned 8 years old! Doing amazing and just like his dad, brings me great comfort to see the same cheeky grin! 
 

hope your all as well as can be in these current crazy times, all your words and messages mean a lot. Was also heartbreaking to read many of your own heart aches, and I feel for you all. 
 

Stay safe everyone xx

Hi, so sorry to hear this. Awful! When will they let you both know the prognosis? It's such a worrying dark time, but keep as busy as you can which is easier said then done especially during a national lockdown. It's been 8 years since I posted and I'm sure the cancer treatment now is even more advanced now. Don't give up hope yet xx

Hi thankyou so much for your great advice he should get he's prognosis Monday next week but one surgeon at our local hospital who has been looking after him thinks it will be chemotherapy thankyou again for being so kind xx