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my husband has terminal cancer

fifi86
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Hi everyone,

This is my first time doing something like this but I feel like sharing feelings with people who are going through simular situations may help me.

My name is fiona and my husband has terminal cancer. His name is shaun and he is only 30years old. We first got told his cancer wad now terminal in may 2011. We now have a 6week old beautiful baby boy and my husband started his first iv chemo 2 weeks ago.

I wish I could make him better! I try not to think about the future, as it upsets me and I need to stay strong for him and our son, but sometimes I cant help it. Most of the time I try my dam hardest to soldier through, but there are times I sneek of to the bathroom for a little cry. I never let my husband see me upset as I feel I need to be the strong one. I know he listens to me alot when I talk to him about being strong and taking each day ad it comes and that he must stay positive. He always seems better after our talks, and carries on like you would never know he is ill. So if he saw me upset I feel he would get upset and worry even more. Its so hard to see him on bad days as hes always been a happy lively sole. I wish so badly for it to be a big mistake and the hospital got it all wrong. Hes my bestest friend and the most loving daddy!

If there's anyone going through a simular situation it would be lovely to talk to you as you would understand. It feels good getting this of my chest!

Fiona

  • Offline in reply to Kitty68

    Hi Fiona. I also have my husband with terminal cancer. Hate watching him change and when he has emotional outbursts are the worse. I smile all the time it hides my torment. How are you doing. Sending good wishes to you and your husband xx

  • Offline in reply to SueC

    Hello darling. I'm right by your side on this my husband has terminal prostrate cancer. He is now on palliative care his choice with pain meds. Its very hard to get your head around. I find myself watching his every move. I'm at the stage of not wanting to do anything my mind is a mass of fog. I smile on the outside but I'm a bit of a mess inside. Its very hard to watch my best friend struggle every day . I hope chatting on here and asking questions helps you. I'm new on here xxx

  • Offline in reply to Havocdog

    Thanks hon 

    Just like you l am new on hear as well .  Just hearing what you say l can totally relate to it as everything you say is my feelings as well it is so hard watching your best friend suffer. It is another day and hopefully can make it through the day to give them strength. 

    God bless you 

    Jackie 

     

  • Offline in reply to Kitty68
    Oh My! And there I was thinking I was on my own..... I too am walking in the shoes of all you brave ladies who have posted before me. My Husband had a tumour removed from his optic nerve in 1997, and then again in 2014, but following this operation there were no check ups at all to monitor progress. They could have detected it earlier and it could have been removed. We found out before Christmas that its back but this time it has caused catastrophic damage, eating away bone structure and pushing on vast areas of the brain. It is in his other eye which means he will lose his sight. The tumour will not respond to Chemo and we only get one chance at radio therapy. Surgery is incredibly risking bordering on impossible and the recovery from surgery will be three months in hospital. Either way this time it is incurable. My husband and kids are my world: they are sixteen and fourteen. The worst news is that we cannot fly as the change in pressure will kill him so our bucket list holidays have had to be scrapped. The cost of cruising is prohibitive for four of us, so it looks like travel is out. He is really struggling and this week has almost given up hope. Hospital appts are getting longer and longer between and it just seems like no one recognises that if time is limited we are wasting it waiting on apt after apt and hearing nothing about how long we have. This week he is very, very depressed and some days doesn't get out of bed. I run my own business and work 11 hour days currently which means I cannot be there to make him get up. I feel so very selfish, worrying about our future without him, as he is the love of my life, but right now I just want to shake him, tell him to "get a grip", move over in that well of self pity and make room for me. I then hate myself for even thinking that way. I always hoped that when we reached this stage we would be busy making memories but instead I am having to stand back and watch him surrender way too early. I cry in the small hours of the morning, when I am driving my car, when I am sat on the loo, but never in front of my husband. Stay strong ladies: our role is to be the glue that holds it all together, even if, inside, we too feel like curling up and giving in.
  • Offline in reply to Sandy007

    Hi sandy007

    Welcome to the forum though always sad to read such posts. I only reply in that I recognise those feelings of frustration followed by guilt and selfishness.  Though my situation was a few years back and somewhat different as my hubby was always a terminal patient from diagnosis, I do fully relate to your remarks and this forum did hold me together through the 'thick and thin' of his three year journey (and beyond).  I used to be exasperated that I was 'blocked out' when my hubby refused to enjoy the quality of life whilst he had some time left and he virtually became a recluse in the final year only really venturing out to visit family or attend his 3 monthly check ups(to monitor his pain).  Any worries I had were talked through on the forum and this gave me an inner strength which still leaves me surprised today when I recall how I got through.

      My hubby was prescribed low dosage anti-depressents and offered counselling to help him get his head around things but it just was not his way of dealing with it and I learned (the hard way) to accept this.It was never easy because he just did not want to communicate about it and living normally was not really an option.  Yes I cried (privately and on the shoulder of a very close friend  plus often when I typed about my feelings!!) and I know he did too but again not in front of family. My children were adults and not at home but it was so hard for them too.  In his final year (though we did not have a time line) I cut my work hours as I could not cope.  It must be very difficult for you having your own business to run plus children and husband to support and feel free to come and chat on the forum if it helps.

    Should you wish to talk to others dealing with a similar cancer to your husband then starting your own thread with that cancer in the title may bring you extra support/replies.

    Wishing you all the very best and know, like all the others here we just keep on doing the best we can in our support roles and try and find a little 'me time' (can imagine you laughing as this possibility) to help you through.  Regards Jules54 

  • Offline in reply to Sandy007

    Stay strong God bless you not a easy road for you try to take time for you xx

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Thanks for your support  l can so relate to what you are saying 

    Take care x

     

     

  • Offline in reply to dee200022

    hi there,i can relate entirely to what you are writing.4 weeks ago i lost my husband of 23 years to oesophageal cancer stage 4. my feelings and emotions from day 1 were exactly how you have described. They were not completely honest with us and the first oncologist kept us in the dark,did not perform a scan when she should of after his last lot of chemo.he had a lump growing out of the side of his back 4 months after his operation.when we kept on for a scan she casualy informed us the chemo had not worked.he now had secondary cancer which came back as a chest wall mass. 3 months from that my darling wonderful husband passed away. i will never forgive that oncologist as long as i live. i keep telling myself he would want me to carry on but it does not help i cry every day. i keep expecting him to walk through the door. i wish i could tell you  somthing to help you but i cant.i am so sorry for what you are going through,and please try to understand you are not alone.take each day as it comes. and if theres anything you would like to ask me i will try to answer as honestly as i can.  thinking of you

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