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mums secondary breast cancer

nikkic123
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hi my mum ha s been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her bones and liver , we are a close family who have always been lucky in the past until this horrid thing happened to us ! she was first diagnosed in august 2008 and had a mascectomy and 3 months chemo . she should ve had 6 months but she just could nt tolerate it at all she kept collapsing and the doc reccomende that she stopped so she did but now 4 years later its back:( how can this be happening ? she starts chemo in 2 weks and we are all so scared my dad whos always so happy is now so sad my bro and sis seem ok they have partners to support them but im the eldest(40( and im a lone parent to a girl12 and a boy 8 , i cannot tell them about their favorite grandma yet i cant copw with their worry as well as my own . i know mum could live for many years yet and am trying to be positive but im so worried about the chemo ..any stories to help or advice will be much appreciated x

  • Offline in reply to nikkic123

    Hiya

    I wanted to share my story with you. I am 55 years old and have secondary breast cancer in my bones and lymphatic system. I am undergoing chemo and have had three sessions so far. I have two children 23 and 27 who have been supporting me from 12th July when I received the devastating news that my breast cancer  had returned after 5 and a half years. I was told by my oncologist that if i didnt have treatment i would be dead within months. You can magine what this must of been like for my 78 year old mum and  children! It wasn't something that I wanted them to hear but they wanted to stay.

    I am so proud of them and of their positive attitude and this alone has spurred me on to fight this terrible decease. I also have a lovely 4 year old grandson and although he doesn't fully understand that I have cancer he knows that I am poorly and each time I see him he gives me the most biggest cuddle and kiss you can ever imagine. I appreciate that not everyone deals with illness in the same way but I wanted to say to you that myself, my family and friends all have a positive attitude and I live each day as if it was my last. It doesn't matter if I live 3 months or 10 years I know that I have made the most of my life  and spent every waking hour doing things  that i enjoy and spending time with the people I love.

    My thoughts are with you and your family and I hope that the chemo 'hits the spot' for your mum. All I can say is keep talking to each other even if you don't include your mum. It is so important that as the family of a cancer sufferer that you are able to support each other and that way you will find the strength to be strong for your mum

    All the best

    Lesley xx

  • Offline in reply to Lovebird57uk

    hi lesley thank you for your reply and can i just say how sorry i am that your cancer too has returned you seem to be a very stong positive lady just like my mum x my mum and dad are away in kefalonia just now having a break before the chemo begins so hopefully she ll be well rested when she gets back . i hope the chemo zaps the spot for you too and ill message you when i know how mums doing after reading your reply i understand how important it is for me to find a bright side and positve and strong for my mum if she can do it so can i !!!! love to you and your family xxx

  • Offline

    Hi nikki

    I am sorry to read about your mum.I throught i would say hello as i also have secondary breast cancer .They found it about two and a half years ago and at the moment other than tiredness and some pain in my leg i am doing ok.On good days i can walk the dog for a couple of miles.

    I got lucky with the chemo and was able to see it through but i expect to go back on it at some point.My understanding is that there are different types so hopefully your mum will respond better to this one.

    The best help while on chemo is offering a listening ear and practical help eg driving them to chemo,cleaning the house,making some meals ect I know it is a difficult line for people to walk.I have been sick for a long time but still find it hard to accept help graciously and have a tendency to swear blind that i do not need it.

    My daughter was 6 when i was diagnosed.I tried to keep it from her at first but that did not really work so we used to talk about it everynight.In some ways it was great therapy for me as i had to put the best interpretation on it that i could while being careful not to lie.The only thing i did not do was put a date on my death because i think time is different for children- do you remember when next christmas seemed forever away? and of course i dont actually know when it will catch up with me.It is hard to tell children but I think that they pick up that something is wrong when they see that their adults are not happy and if they do not know why they will use their imagination.

    good luck

    emma

  • Offline in reply to grumpy

    hi emma

    thanks so much for your reply im sorry about your cancer but glad you doing so well your little girl sounds like an amazingly brave kid , i have decided to tell my kids that grandma has cancer again because im fairly sure she ll loose her hair and where as last time they didnt notice ( believe it or not !!) this time they are older and most certainly will but like you we have no idea how long she will live with this so im not telling them its terminal . according to mum they are nt using the same chemo as last time so hopefully she ll be able to tolerate it better than last time , mum and dad are away on hol at the moment and when they get back the battle will begin and im going to be strong and positive for the sake of my mum dad and my children there is no point in my going to bits it wont help . ill message agin once she has started chemo and let you know how things are going . once again thankyou for you positive reply and i really hope that you stay well , love to you and your little girl

    nikki xxx

  • Offline in reply to Lovebird57uk

    Hi,

    Sorry to bother you, I have just read your reply and could probably really do with talking to you for some advise.

    If you are happy to talk to me, please message me ( I am very new to the site and am unsure on what I am doing or why I am even on here really)

    Thanks

  • Offline
    Hi How worried you must all be to hear the news that we all dread. I hope that your mums chemo goes well and that she doesn't find it so hard a ride this time around. You sound like an amazing daughter, you are all lucky to have one another Take care xxxx

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