Hi Terri,

Firstly so pleased to hear that finally your Mum can have her op and by now it should be over and do hope all went smoothly.  Such a long waiting period for her and the family and virtual fingers crossed that her recovery will be good and she can move forward into the next phase of treatment.

It must be a tad annoying that you are still waiting for some counselling help but do hope your return to work, bring back the self confidence after a few days 'back in the fold'. Take it slowly and do not ask too much of yourself and please do ask for support if needed.  Although I only work 15+ hrs each week, it has definitely been an aid for me to move forward after hubby's death.  If I feel a little low my face obviously gives me away so am treated to 'group hug' before getting into the shift. All our 'regulars' are aware of the bereavement and have been very sweet and supportive too but there are still times when I feel vulnerable (especially as the department  just has one member of a staff per shift now) and thankfully have understanding management.

On the question of work, I did not have to work the bank holiday at the end of May (they managed with pretty much skeleton staff (money saving!!). The weather was good so spent much of the time pottering in the garden. Did not, in the end, have Joel for a sleepover but the following day my daughter and the boys picked me up and we had a lovely day out with a picnic in nearby country park following by a trip to the garden centre which had a kiddies play area/sand pit.  Whilst my daughter supervised I trotted off to fill my trolley with compost/plants and goodies from the farm shop and then we had afternoon tea in the on site cafe.  It must have been quite a sight watching us trying to get the 100 litres of compost into her boot(and out again once home) ha ha.  Still mission accomplished and since then have planted up  7 containers and am beginning to see the benefit!

Life in general is one of managing the new normal and getting support from the forum still, my mates and of course mutually supportive of both children/partners and grandchildren.  Its been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster but think we are dealing with it all 'healthily' by coping with things as and when they happen. At times its hard to believe that its almost six months since hubby's death and then other times its as though it was just yesterday - cannot explain it but just accept it.

Daughter and Joel did the Race for Life last weekend (her 9th and his 1st) and had to walk it as Joel had a clash of heads with little bro which resulted in a heavy nosebleed followed by a fit (his first ever) on the Friday (race was Sunday) so had spent the day at hospital under obs followed by MRI - it never rains but it pours comes to mind. I had Zack all day (lucky I was off) who was as good as gold and the rest of the family joined us around 3.30 by which time Joel was hard to stop running around. Can you imagine telling a very lively 6+ year old to be calm when all he wants to do is run and play.  Anyway he was fine, we had fish and chip dinner and the weekend progressed as planned. Day out at local RAF airbase  open day on Saturday (just 15mins walk from me) and the the Charity race on Sunday so kept busy on the social front.  Am sure it is helping us all to keep busy but also value some 'me time'.

This weekend will be difficult for my kids with Father's Day - another 'first' without their Dad to be gone through.My daughter has the school summer fair today and has spent most of the week making and baking but I know tomorrow will be emotionally draining. Today I am going over to my son's for the day so they will pick me up in a couple of hours (I would have gone over on the bus but he was not amused by this suggestion).  We were hoping to lunch in the garden but a bit drizzly here just now so we will see.  It will begood to catch up with them as they have been on holiday and so have not seen them for a while - lots of gossip I hope.  We will take the dog for a walk and enjoy some time together before they drop me back. I have no plans for Sunday other than visiting my usual haunts (Farmer's/Artisan market) and doing usual chores.  Mind you if its dry, the chores will have to wait and I will be outside  enjoying the garden or going for a long walk (never tire of walking for pleasure).

Well, sorry for the lengthy ramble. Do take care and let me know how things go/have gone with your Mum. Thinking of  you all, sending hugs and you can always talk to me/the forum when you need to offload. I truly believe talking and/or writing down my feelings has led to better understanding of my emotional needs.

Take care, Jules

Hey Jules,

So mum had her op :) and she's now home, she's doing really well, she's had the drain out, two ribs removed (one apparently damaged from the first op) and the second to get to what they needed to and for her to move with more ease. They've put some muscle in to heal the hole where the drain was, now she has a hole in her back, they have to change and 'pack' it everyday. Mum was terrified because the first time was excruciating, but she says it's been getting easier each day, so that's good. The surgeon said he'll see how she heals and then see where to go from there, don't know if she needs another op with the plastic surgeon, they're going to see what happens and then decide. So all is good :) 

Been back at work 2 weeks now, feels like I haven't been away haha the boss' boss' boss came in the store (as they do, to walk round lol) and actually went out of his way to ask if I was ok and settling back in, that was really nice. Still no word on counselling, but I'm feeling much better as it goes at the moment anyway, so I don't feel in much of a rush as I did before. I'll wait and see what happens. 

Everyone else is fine, Charlie is going to a stay and play at his new school next week for an hour, he's quite excited, so that'll be good :) 

Everyone else is great this end. 

I hope fathers day wasn't too tough for you all, I remember my first without my dad and every special moment since, when I would've liked him there, so I hope you've all rallied round and made a good day of it. 

Aww poor Joel, is he ok now? Bet it was a bit of a shock at the time. And yeah, you can't tell children to be still hahaha 

How's your mum doing? Ok I hope?

Have you been enjoying the weather? Sat in the garden? It's been amazing up here :) although just had three days off and it's done nowt but rain haha still lovely and warm though, so it doesn't matter :) 

Anyway, I hope you're keeping well, and looking after yourself :) 

Speak soon, big hugs 

Terri.

Ps. Keep Smiling x 

Hi Terri

So lovely to read that all is well with you and the family. Great news that your Mum has had her op and is doing well. She, you and all the family must be smiling broadly and much relieved.  Hope her recovery continues apace.

Good news too that your return to work is going smoothly (by now you probably feel you have never been away and could do with a holiday ha ha).  Any plans during the Summer break?  Fingers crossed you continue to 'keep smiling' (think you should have a t shirt with this on) and when the counselling appointment finally comes through this will add to your achievement.

I am slowly getting a routine of my own and found a new challenge.   I had the first week of Wimbledon off as annual leave and despite the first few days being taken up with helping daughter and family (they were all struck with a nasty sickness/tummy bug with little Zack needing rehydration treatment in hospital for a few hours!) I also managed to enjoy the wonderful weather 'pottering' in the garden, a little retail therapy  and then decided to try a Gymophobics session!  They are placed in the local high street, run by ladies for ladies and its a 30min workout  with a very social crowd.  Enjoyed the taster session so am now going 2/3 times a week. As I do not need to lose weight the only goal I have is to 'keep moving' and tone up. So far so good and am sure my GP will be happy I have found a 'healthy' activity. 

Father's Day was emotionally reflective for the children and they chose to visit hubby's final resting place to 'ponder'  in the peaceful surroundings (neither knew the other was going and they did not bump into each other!).  Its hard to believe it is now just over six months since we lost him.  Time heals and the memories we all  hold are being taken forward with us in our new journey.

My Mum is pretty much the same healthwise and I still visit regularly but its pretty much one-sided conversation but she is safe and cared for (she was 89 in May).  The home has a new Manager and activity lady (old Manager retired after 26 years and activity lady needed to earn more) so will see how the residents cope with the change (Mum tells me she could not care less bless her).

Spent a lovely day out with children and grandchildren last weekend at The Cotswold Show and am soon to visit my friends (old bingo pal and husband) who moved last month and will have a social evening out. Yesterday I met up with the friend I used to work with (we are now on different hours) and as her birthday is next week I treated her to coffee and cake before we wandered around town. Got back in time to see the Murray match and will now support Federer in the final on Sunday. Quiet weekend planned and am shortly off to do weekly shop (before its too hot for the 2mile round trip) and then find a shady corner to sit in and watch Ladies Final and more especially Jamie Murray in the Doubles  Final.

Take care of yourself and hope Charlie enjoys his school visit.  My eldest grandson has also been visiting his new class for next September and is happy that though his current class is being split up he still has his 'special friends' with him and daughter is very happy with new teacher (has good record with 'taming' energetic boys!!).

Chat soon and keep up the good work  

Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Sorry it's been ages! Hope you and all the family are doing well. We went away for 2 weeks, it was lovely :) back to work and busy busy cos the store manager off for two weeks now, so I'm the main man for now lol :) 

Everyone this end doing well :) we're going to get Charlies school uniform this week and that's pretty much it this end, hope to speak to you soon. 

Take care and keep smiling :) 

Terri xx 

Hi Terri

Good to read that all is well with you and the family.  Sounds as though you enjoyed your hols and always  hard going back to the routine of work afterwards.  My next break is towards the end of September but no plans to go away though may well have a couple of days out - looking at a coach trip which will break up the week.

Me and the family are jogging along (daughter and family currently spending a few days with her inlaws in Wigan which is their summer holiday this year; son and girlfirend saving hard for their hols in November). A few emotional ups and downs as we 'celebrate' events without hubby and coping day to day.  Would have been our 38th wedding anniversary early next month but will be at work that day so hoping to 'manage' that one.  We have little Zack's christening in late October so things to focus on.

I bet Charlie will look so sweet in his new uniform - where does the time go?

Hope your Mum and Jamie's Step Dad  still doing well.  Take care of  yourself.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

Sorry it's been a while, life has been pretty hectic the last 4 weeks. 

Yeah work has been rubbish haha they've just blended into one, especially when the sm was off for two weeks, too busy! Yeah Charlie looks bloody gorgeous hehe :) 

Hope you were ok on your anniversary, I'm sure your family (and work) helped you through it? 

How are the christening plans going? Good I hope? 

Did you manage arrange any coach trips for your hols? 

My mum is doing really well. Been told she's healing too well (I always thought that was a good thing haha) because they need to keep the wound open to keep and eye on things until her next op whenever that will be, so she's going to have to go and have it stretched back open a bit (ewww) but otherwise she's great :) 

My grandad has been Ill, and had to go into hospital and was in for 3 weeks, so I've been spending last few weeks back and forth to see him and work etc (my auntie and uncle nearby just moved to Cyprus in July, so I'm only one nearby now) and he came home with a care re-enablement care package because he's not so great on his feet now, so he's doing ok. But the other day I went to take Jamie's dad to hospital because he's been Ill since we came back from hols living off water, not getting dressed and not eating, he thought it was because his valve was leaking in his throat but it wasn't, turns out he's got pneumonia :/ so he's in the hospital this week. Never rains haha but at least he's getting seen to. 

Anyway, on a happier note....my sister is expecting :) I'm so excited! She's around 12 weeks now so will be due her first scan anytime now :) she says she can't stop eating haha 

Anyway I'll get off, off to work shortly :( I hope you are doing well and still smiling :) 

Hugs, take care,

Terri x 

Hey Jules,

Glad you're ok, and managed to plough through it all, it's great you have so much support and close bonds, gets you through knowing people are there and also that you're there to reciprocate too. 

Wow, sounds like a busy holiday! Yeah I'm sure you'll enjoy the rest when you get back to work haha :) 

Aww christenings are lovely, I'm sure it'll be a grand day, hope the weather stays good for you all :) 

How's your mum doing? Ok I hope? X 

Haha sounds like our kitchen, which we still haven't got round to yet! We started on the hallway, stripped it and had it plastered and its still Sat there bare cos we just haven't had any time (been about 5 weeks now!) we'll get round to it at some point :) 

Yeah mum's procedure doesn't sound so nice does it :/ she's going in to Birmingham next month for an overnighter for it doing then should be back home again bless her.

My grandads care package was great, he did so well they signed him off after 3 weeks, cos he was managing fine :) he has been back in and out of hospital twice since though with blood in his pee (first time was because he caught his catheter getting in/out of bed, so that was pretty bad as you can imagine, poor lad!) Second was just cos of his prostate issues. He goes in for his op on 22nd this month, hopefully that will be him sorted (then his hernia to fix) nowt to be said for getting older! 

Jamie's dad is not in a good way. He has been diagnosed with lung cancer. The fluid we're not sure if it was ever pneumonia now, but they tested it and it had cancer in it, as well as in his lung dotted about, so they know it's growing/travelling. They said he can have some chemo but it won't cure, just prolong his life a little. They said as a rough estimate he has roughly 8-9 months left....

Obv Jamie is in a state, he has been his stepdad since he was 8 so has been a while. In fact he's been my father in law for 17 years so it's not nice at all (not that it ever could be) he's got to go back next week because they need to see how healthy he is, because he's very weak just now and they don't know if he can have the chemo anyway because he might not be strong enough, if not they'll refer him to the palliative care team. Been a rough couple of months for us to be honest but we're plodding through, sort of on autopilot at the moment, go to work, pick Charlie up, take people to /visit people at hospital, etc.

Anyway, sorry to end on a sad note, just wanted you to know why I'm messaging few and far between. 

Still smiling :) 

Hope you are too, enjoy the christening and your hols :) 

Speak soon, take care,

Big hugs,

Terri xx 

Hi Terri

Sorry that Jamie's stepdad, and therefore the rest of the family,  has had such a rotten diagnosis. There is little anyone can say to make it feel any better to be honest but know that as a virtual buddy you can talk here on the forum for that all too necessary offload and support network.  I know I would have been/be in a much darker place if I had not found the forum and the wonderful 'listener's here.

I am not sure if you remember how things were with my hubby and his chemo.  His was always a 'prolong life option' but he only managed three sessions because it was too much for his weak immune system and had to be stopped (mutual agreement). We were however never in the position of having an estimated timeline (until the last week of his life).  However Jamie's stepdad's appointment goes re treatment/palliative care if you know his thoughts/wishes (had to wait a while to get my hubby to let me know) it somehow makes it easier to talk about if that makes any sense. My thoughts are definitely with you and sending hugs.

I am sure you must be shattered most of the time trying to fit everything in but do try to make a little time for a breather (even 10mins becomes worth its weight in gold!!) and am sure you can draw on the support of close family and friends.

Bet your Mum is counting the days to her next procedure and just hoping to get it over a done with - she has been remarkable.  Also hope your sister is keeping well. My Mum is much the same though rarely chats much now and I just take each visit as it comes.  Have a relatives' meeting at the Home next week as there have  been 'running' changes and need to keep an eye on whats going on for my own peace of mind.  She is still getting around with her frame and generally physically unchanged but having reached the ripe old age of 89 would like to take herself to Switzerland - enough said!!

As to my kitchen plans. just yesterday I was reminded how old my kitchen wall units are (second hand 38 years ago!!!) when one of the doors came right off (been threatening for a while).  I now  have half a cupboard which is 'open' shelving.  Still it spurred me on to downsize its contents and re-arrange what's left ha ha.  My local charity shops are doing well with donations on a weekly basis (only so much I can carry!!).  I will begin researching suppliers/builders after the anniversary of Jon's passing in the New Year. Still some 'firsts' to 'manage' though we are trying to plan a Christmas that will give the grandchildren special times.  They will spend Christmas morning at home (first time since eldest grandson was born  (he will be 7 in November) and then they are picking me up and we are spending the day with son in law's Mum and stepdad before coming back to me for Boxing Day when I will have usual open house (son and girlfriend spending that day here too). It will be an emotional end to 2015 that's for sure but am 'rolling with it' as it's the only way I  know how to cope.

Being in retail I am sure you are up to your eyes at work but sometimes it helps to be kept busy.  I am not enjoying my department as much now that all parts of the shop are on minimal staffing and they do not replace staff once they go at present.  I have mentioned I would like to drop another day but my Manager has asked me not to rush into this decision (he is probably right but am trying to decrease stress and stay out of the tax bracket!!!) and I have agreed to stay on present hours until after Christmas and then re-assess. However I will try and keep any extra Xmas hours to a minimum .

Little Zack turns 2 next week and then we have the christening 10 days later so plenty to concentrate on just now.  My 12 days leave seems so long ago and no more annual leave until February grrrr.

Am making the most of the Autumn sunshine and getting out as much as possible an still going to the gym 3/4 times a week (great stress reliever and social community as well as helping body and soul ha ha).  Have always enjoyed walking (just as well as don't drive) and do much more just for pleasure.  Will have to dig the wellies out for when the weather turns wet and muddy.

Right time for mundane things and need to get washing in the garden before I go out.  Do take care and will be here to listen when you need/want to share. Big hugs returned.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

Unfortunately Jamie's step dad passed away on Sunday. He went peacefully which is all you can hope for anyone. We've just been supporting his mum, and helping with arrangements and anything and anything we can do. It's been quite upsetting, for me it was bringing back memories of my dad, but for Jamie, we'd only been together a couple of years back then and he didn't know him greatly and didn't see too much of what my dad went through, so it was sort of all new for him, and he's not really had to deal with death in his family ( fortunately) so it's not nice for him. He's been really cut up about it bless him. I'm just doing my best to hold his hand through it all as he did with me, there's not much else I can do for now really I suppose. It was Jamie's birthday on Tuesday but it has passed with no acknowledgement, (Charlie didn't know so we didn't even do cards because thats what he wanted) so we'll have a birthday for Jamie after next week after the funeral has taken place and everything has settled a bit. 

I'm currently Sat in a waiting room with my grandad waiting for his prostate op (ouch!) we've been here since 7am, and he's not going in til around 3ish. So I've read about 3 magazines, 2 papers and played on my phone a bit, but I'm getting a bit bored now haha and a headache coming on but I'll manage

Yeah, no rush for the kitchen