Hi Terri

Return to work went smoothly and am very lucky to have great support from workmates.  Had extra cover for a couple of days during the first week but to be honest now that I am back in the swing of things, the break seems a long time ago!!! At least with retail there is no 'backlog' to clear as each day is a new one! The routine is also helping me to cope day to day and gives life a purpose I suppose.

As to the 'new' wall - its not there yet ha ha!  First builder kept putting off the job so have ditched him and have another calling this weekend to get quote.  Who knows by the end of Spring I may be 'bricked in' lol.

Have begun doing a few things socially on my own - weird but necessary. Children and grandchildren are also finding it difficult coping without their Dad/Grandad but we have a service later today (just us present) which we are hoping will bring further closure.  The GP is checking up on me once a month at present but it seems I am 'managing the new normal' and I think I have my Dad's way of dealing with things and know hubby wanted me to move forward with living ((can lunckily take 42 years of memories along for the ride).

Glad you are doing okay workwise at present and that Jamie is feeling better and that the drugs will help keep his cholesterol down (my son in law has been on them for many years as he has family linked cholesterol issues).  Up until hubby's illness I had been keeping my 'healthy' diet on track which had reduced my cholesterol levels a great deal but dare not go for check on this at present (far too much comfort eating been going on!!).  I am hopeful that soon I can stop the naughty nibbling as I am now beginning to 'cook for one' and can eat it without feeling guilty - still somewhat strange as had many months towards the end of hubby's journey wishing I could eat 'out of sight' because he just was not interested in food. Hey ho!

Hoping your Mum is managing okay and gets to see Lionel (think its in March? before having her hospital treatment.

Fingers crossed that Jamie can 'off load' some of te extra work (though great that he is doing so well it can take its toll healthwise).  Take care of yourselves and hope you get some time to enjoy the half term break.  I begin two weeks annual leave (have to use it (or lose it) before 1st April) on 23 Feb and am hoping to have some days out.  I also have two mini breaks in April tolook forward to with the family.

Well, just seen the time so had best stop rambling and do the housework before setting off to work - never a dull moment!  Sending hugs. Jules x

Hi Jules,

hope you are well, sorry i havent been on for a while, i didnt get an email saying youd replied last time so havent been on since, as youre the only one i talk to, and i just got an email saying the forum has changed a little and theyd like feedback and thought id check anyway, and there it was, sorry. 

we went to see lionel, it was brilliant, mum had a fab time and called in at the casino after instead of waiting nearly 2 hours to get out of the multi storey car park like the attendant said it would take. we didnt win anything but it was good fun :) everyone this end are all doing ok, jamies stepdad will get his new teeth soon so hes doing well. my mum is still waiting for a letter for her op ( she has to have a couple now because of yet more complications, her spine is curved sideways like an s if you know what i mean, becuase her stomach muscles are wasting away, so she has to have like a tummy tuck to take some away and replace with some taken from elsewhere to help regenerate, when thats sorted theyll do the other, unless they do it all in one, we dont know yet, poor lass been through the mill bless her, all for just a bit of tb) anyway thats us.

we did manage to get to great yarmouth for a week in the hols so that was good.

i hope you are keeping well and are settled into a routine a bit better now, did you ever get the wall up?! 

silly tablet at it again! 

how are the rest of the family doing? all good i hope? hows your mum doing?

hope youre doing ok, take care and lots of hugs 

terri xx 

Hi terri

Well, the wanderer has returned from a lovely five day break and though my interest access is a bit tempremental will try to give a catch up post.

Was so pleased that you and your Mum got to see Lionel and can almost see the smile on your faces.  Also hope it will not be too long now before your Mum can move forward with her treatment - its been a long wait for her and the family.

Bet Charlie is growing up fast.  My youngest grandson Zack has just turned 18 months and  he and his brother bring a lot of pleasure when they visit and I had a lovely holiday with them earlier in the month too.  It was good to have a break following the loss of my hubby/their Dad/Grandad and for us to be able to relax with our memories and be away from the day to day stresses of life.

Work continues but with more staff leaving/cuts in hours etc am really only staying on for the financial assitance and social routine that I need in my life.  It's not much fun working on a department on your own but 'better the devil  you know' - am sure you will understand.

Hope you are doing okay yourself and send best wishes your way. Take care and keep smiling.Jules x

Hi Jules,

Glad to hear you've had a nice time, you had some great weather too! Zack is 18 months, my, that has gone so fast! And yes Charlie will be 4 in a couple of weeks! Starting school in September, and he got into the school we wanted for him too, so that's great. I'm really glad you're managing to keep smiling and that you have the pleasure of the grandchildren to keep you going (and your big kids too haha) it great to hear. 

And yes, as far as work is concerned, I do know what you mean, better the devil you know, I've been for a couple interviews now and I still haven't made the leap :/ partly because of money, I get paid a really good wage (this is how they trap you lol, but you always manage don't you?!) and partly it's a bit scary too :/ ah well, I'll get there. I've just started a hnc in business so that'll keep me entertained for a few months and then would like to start my own business Maybe, but we'll see :) 

Yeah mums face and mood that day was great, I'm glad I could do that for her. She still hasn't heard anything about hospital yet. She had me in tears yesterday because she was crying because she's so Fed up, because she's in so much pain constantly and she'd ran out of morphine yesterday so I think today will be a bed day for her until my sis can call and get her some. She is really really down, she said if they can't fix her and soon, she's going to starve herself. That was an awful thing to hear. I've told her to ring the surgeons Secretary today and see if they have any news, because letters get lost and with so many patients sometimes they manage to overlook people now and again, so I've told her to keep at them and keep pushing. She doesn't have another app at Liverpool til middle of next month and that's only a check up and get weighed, so she's going to cancel it, because of the transport they arrange last two have been nearly twelve hours out for the sake of maybe a fifteen minute appointment? she's been weighed by her nurse and put a couple of pounds in, so she knows she's doing ok, she's just ready for the op now. 

Sorry, went on a bit there! Was reading a few of my first posts from Nov 2012! that's how long it's been, no wonder she's fed up. 

In better news, Jamie's dad should be getting his new teeth soon haha bet he can't wait! :) his mum is just great too :) Jamie has a bit of conjunctivitis that started yesterday morning, so called and got some of the ointment last night. Charlie had it just as we were going to great yarmouth, he hated the eye drops bless him, it was going round his nursery class so was inevitable :/ Hope I don't get it, Jamie looks like he's been punched by Rocky haha (or maybe I did it in my sleep lol) Charlie is just fantastic and looking forward to his birthday, he's always said when we've asked him this year that he wants a racing car bed and a bmw zoomy race car so we've got a plastered coming to quote for his bedroom this aft so we might be stripping that this aft when he's gone. And my m says she'll do her best to get him the bmw (he only means a small one, he's crazy mad on cars!) oh and a gruffalo birthday cake haha don't know whether to have a stab at one or just order/but one in haha probably the latter, don't want to spoil his dreams hahaha

sorry, rambling a bit today aren't I? 

Anyway, really glad to hear you're ok and doing well :) 

Keep smiling and big hugs :) 

Terri.

Ps. I'm ok too :) x 

Hi Terri

Well its my last day before returning to work and luckily the weather is still being kind to me. Cleared the washing and mowed the lawn yesterday and so plan to visit local garden centre today (just a 3mile round trip in lovely sunshine) asI have some reward vouchers to spend which won't be difficult (but have to remember that I have to carry home whatever I buy!!).  Hoping to get a new bird table in due course as mine is looking pretty tatty after many years of use but will have to arrange home delivery for it.

I am sure Charlie will be happy with whatever cake you decide upon and no doubt very excited about his birthday.  I am not sure where the time goes to be honest but I am sure he (and you) are ready for him to be in school.  Our eldest grandson (6+) made the transfer from nursery to reception and onwards all very smoothly and is doing very well especially with reading and maths and had a good yearly report so all positive for now. He is like a huge ball of energy and loves spending time outside so many visits to the park and had a great time when we were away in early April.   I am very lucky to have them close by and the mutual support we can give each other makes a huge difference. The next arranged get-together is on 16 May when I am having a buffet lunch as hubby's sister is coming over from the Isle of Man and it will be the first time we have seen her since the funeral. I am also lucky to have good friends of many years so the social life has more or less carried on as previously. It does take some getting used to attending social events as a widow but each step is taken with some thought/memory to carry me through.

As to work. I am sure the right thing will come along for you and you will know it when you see it. Good luck with any future interviews but sounds like you are doing ok just now and probably have enough going on around you to keep you busy. Hope Jamie's eye infections soon responds to treatment and that you manage to keep clear of it (had it many years ago when it was doing the rounds in the school and not at all pleasant - I can still recall the 'separate towels for all' to try and not pass it on). The few staff that we still have (we really run on a skeleton crew these days with holiday and sickness cover a nightmare for the manager to sort out) are very supportive of each other and all part timers so though I do not enjoy the 'working alone' ethics on the department, the people I work with keep me sane (well almost).

I am really sad for your Mum (and the family) that she is having to wait so long and can understand the frustrations of waiting for her op when she just wants to get on with enjoying life.  Good news that she has gained a little weight and that will help when she does face the op. Hope there is news soon so she can get the op out of the way and see the improvement. Bet she is not the type to really complain but maybe the GP could chivvy the hospital along on her behalf. All the very best.

Well, as you can see the downside of being on your own means you get good at rambling but they say its good to talk.  Take care and glad you doing okay. Sending virtual hugs and peaceful thoughts your way.Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Hope you are keeping well. Did you manage to carry all your goods home from the garden centre?! i need to go and get some more bedding plants to make the garden look as good as it did last year (jamie did a grand job of it) i'm off work at the minute, i'm a bit down, i'm back on my antidepressants (got a ticking off for stopping them because i felt better ha) just had a meeting with my pm today and she was really great, told me not to worry about work and get myself sorted out first and go from there, i'm off back to the doc on friday and i'm going to ask him about some counselling as he's mentioned it to me before and see what happens. I'll be fine :o)

My mum still hasn't got a letter, they told her over the phone it would be 22nd....but told her today the end of the month. We went to see them on sunday because they wanted to see charlie too for his birthday. She's doing ok just really down. She's not eating well, but she doesn't look to have lost any weight so thats good.

Jamies mum is ok, just having trouble keeping her diabetes under control, so they're going to try her on insulin now and see if that makes a difference (she does have a lot of bad habits and also spends a lot of time in her room as shes quite depressive when theres no charlie about) i went to the nurse with her and made her tell the truth a little bit about her glucose levels and shes being referred to a specialist now with a view to getting her some help from the dietition and also a group where there are people that motivate people to help themselves, so hopefully she'll follow through and get the help she needs.

Jmaies stepdad got his teeth yesterday! yay! he said they're hurting like it hurts when you break a new pair of shoes in, but you can see hes delihghted though. ( he also looks a bit like wallace because i'm used to seeing him with none haha)

Charlie had a fab birthday weekend, he was spoilt rotten and loved his new bedroom and his racing car bed :o) he's having his class nursery photo on friday and then off next week for half term. not long to go until the summer holidays and then moving to 'big school', i hope he makes the move as smoothly as your grandson did, i'm sure he will though because hes a very friendly boy and also he visits that school with his childminder to pick up another lad she looks after so it won't be totally strange for him.

Jamie is 100% recovered now and back to work as usual now charlies room is finished, although he's now talking of doing the hallway :o/ haha

anyway thats us.

how are you and yours? all good i hope? how is your mum doing?well i hope?

hope you're still smiling :o)

Take care and hugs,

Terri

Hi Terri

Good to hear from you and am pleased that you had the good sense to see that things were getting a little too stressful for comfort and that continuing the medication was advised. Hope the appointment today with your GP is 'fruitful' and if you can get counselling sorted that its helpful. Its not easy juggling kids,home, job and family traumas(worrying takes its toll!!) and even though you may not realise it all the time, I know its not easy to switch off.  Anxiety/depression/stress are not easy for outsiders to see but just like physical illnesses they can be treated - all the very best (virtual hugs and a smile from me).

Not surprised that Charlie had an amazing birthday and its lovely to watch their excitement and I bet he reckons his new room is awesome. Though  my eldest grandson only does the occasional sleepover with me he is into superheroes (counts himself as one too:)) so a few months back I bought a Spiderman duvet set for the spare bed and he was delighted.  Just trying to sort out the next over-nighter as when they were visiting last weekend he asked if he could come and stay again but its not easy with me working and their weekends pretty booked up - we will juggle the diaries and see what we come up with. I am on standby for B/H Monday (was down to work but they think they have full quota (4)) in case someone does not turn in. If no call by lunchtime may have grandson o/n as am off Tuesday and we have day out planned weather permitting (indoors if needs be).

All sounds good with Jamies stepdad. You can tell him from me that, just like new shoes, his mouth will adjust  and he will love the new smile (from one gummy bear to another ha ha).

I can understand why your Mum is frustrated and down (you too). I am sure she just wants treatment over with and its not easy playing the waiting game when its been so long for her.  Do hope she gets letter soon and if not may have to be 'pushy' or ask for second opinion (I know they hate to 'worry' the doctors but sadly sometimes its necessary.

As to me, well doing my best to move slowly forward day by day. To be honest managing reasonably ok most of the time with the inevitable wobbles but still early days and have good network of support. Me and the kids are supporting each other and eldest grandson finding it difficult at times but school has been very good and my daughter has now begun a memory box with him and is now arranging 'memory bears' for both the boys.

Had both son and his girlfriend, daughter, son in law and grandkids, sister in law and her friend (who she stays with when visiting from Isle of Man) all come to me for Saturday lunch/afternoon last weekend. First time sister in law had visited since hubby's funeral. It was good to catch up though not sure she is quite 'living the dream' she had hoped for just yet. She and her brother/sister in law are having to completly renovate a large farmhouse and since they moved in mid December last year are more or less camping in their home as they slowly get things done. Still waiting for new windows throughout so they can be completely weatherproof and begin decorating. I am sure they will achieve it in the end.

Right, had better stop rambling and get on. Have washing out on the line and off to do my weekly shop and with dry weather on the cards am hoping to be in the garden later - sun has just broken through early clouds so signs are good.

Be kind to yourself Terri and keep that smile going. Regards Jules x

P.S.  Yes I did carry my new purchases all the way home from the garden centre - am sure my arms were longer as a result ha ha.

P.S.S.  Oops nearly forgot my poor Mum- she is hating being 89 (last Tuesday) and remains well cared for at the home (staff continue to be supportive to us both and I am blessed to have such understanding).

Hi Jules, 

Hope you're ok, and hope you managed to get out of working the bank holiday! :) Wow that sounded like a busy lunch! Ooh we watch restoration man and it sounds like what your sis is going through, it's always great to see at the end, it's just the getting that that is a right toil, I hope they're doing ok. Glad your mum is ok, and nobody likes to get older, especially us girls! I was 33 a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't really want to acknowledge that haha 

I'm really glad you're doing ok :) 

All is well this end, I'm off back to work next week, don't really feel like it, don't feel ready but I can't keep putting it off. There's at least 8 weeks waiting for counselling (because I'm not high risk I suppose, which I'm fine with, there are people that need a lot more help than me, so I'll manage) so I haven't really spoken to anyone, but I am feeling a lot better, just feel a bit less sure of myself, but I'm sure I'll get over it once I've been back at work a few days and customers are complaining about a 5p difference on a label haha 

Now the BIG news! 

My mum is going in for her operation tomorrow! Can you believe it?! It's the first one, to 'plug' the hole in her lung and see what else they can do for it. Then she'll be going home to recover for a few months and then back to sort out her stomach issues. Finally it's moving along! 

I'll let you know how it goes, but keep your fingers crossed for her please :) 

Anyway I'll get off, and I'll speak to you soon.

Take care, big hugs,

Terri.

Ps. Keep Smiling