Hi Terribear and welcome to the site.

If you find out that your mum has longer left than your dad did then that will put a smile on your face straight away won't it. So you only have to work out how to have a smile on your face if the news is not so good. Try hard to focus on all the good times, all the fun you've had and just how very pleased you are to see her since the last time since obviously it's quite a journey. Just focus on walking into the room smiling and let the rest of it take care of itself.

And if it should turn out that there isn't heaps of time, then that time left is best spent laughing about all the fun you've shared.

Go well

xxxxx

Tivoli

Hi terrybear

Thanks for finding this forum. I want to say to you (it has also been said to me on here) you are not selfish or negative.You are a loving daughter who cares. I have and am in a very similar situation. Lost my Dad to prostrate/lung cancer just under five years ago and my husband was diagnosed with lung membrane cancer in February. It is an awful disease and sad to have to experience it within the family. Am so glad you have good support in your fiance (we all  need a rock to see us through lifes ups and downs). IT must be very had being far away and I hope your visit to your Mum goes well and you hear positive news as regards her treatment. Medical treatment has changed so much since the loss of your Dad. Just hold in your heart the fact that under the cancer you Mum is still there and being with her will be very special. You and your sister will find a way to tell the kids as much as they need to know to help them cope. Our grandson is 4 and sees his Grandad most weeks and has adjusted to playing 'round' grandad rather than with him and not waking him up if he falls asleep. Its very much a truth that children of this age do not have the fear that us adults carry (oh to be a kid again!!).  I wish you safe travelling and please let us know how you get on.Jules54

Hi Terribear,

Welcome to cancer chat and thanks for sharing your story with us. It helps just to talk about your feelings on here. You are not being negative, you are just being realistic and trying to deal with a painful situation as best as you can. I am glad you have support and hope that you will also get plenty from the wonderful people on here. You do not sound selfish at all Terri, you are just a loving and caring daughter trying to deal with the painful news you have just received. You say you keep your emotions in check but I would just say, don't bottle them up. If you feel like you want to cry, it's far better to let your feeling out, even if you feel you can only do this when you are on your own. I cant offer advice about what to tell your niece. That's always a most difficult thing to do. Just like you have said, so many people don't like talking to other family members about a loved ones cancer, and as in your case it causes them more worries. But often I think that they are also doing exactly the same as you and if people felt able to share their fears and concerns, they would be able to help each other more as a result.

Thank you once again for sharing your story with us and I hope thing work out okay. Please let us know how you are coping , kind regards Brian

Hi guys, just a quick update. Thanks for the messages, you are all so lovely and made me feel better and a bit more positive. And also, when I got here to mums, she has lost quite a bit of weight, but other than that she looks absolutely fine, so that has helped me so much, gone from dreading it to being a lot more hopeful. We've chatted and she's told me that she's not just going to sit and wait for it to come for her, she's going to fight it, and so we we will go into the appointment on Tuesday strong and ready to face whatever comes our way together. I can't tell you how much better I feel in the space of what, 12 hours? From all your words of comfort and from just seeing how normal my mum looks. Fingers crossed for Tuesday guys and thanks again. Xxx

Hi Terribear,

Great update and wish you and your Mum all the best for Tuesday. Much easier when you can face it together rather than wondering from a long way away.Good luck Jules54

Hi Terribear

just want to say hi and welcome to cancerchat!! Glad you are feeling a bit better for seeing your mum!! I can relate to your experience my father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer age 47 and died within a couple of months so when I was diagnosed with cancer also aged 47 in September this year it was like it happening all over again for my family initially. My circumstances are quite different and we are much more confident now!!

Your mum sounds like she's bigger than cancer and intends to stay that way and it's lovely you are all in it together!! I hope you get some positives on Tuesday to hang on to. Waiting is hard so she will be glad of your company and that you were able to be there for her!!

I hope you come back and let us know how it goes or to rant rave cry question or express watever you feel. Like you say it's too hard to keep it to yourself and you don't have to!!

Very best wishes Ann

Hi Terribear!

Great to have such a huge smile from you in just three days! Give our love to your mum & keep on smiling!

All the best

Tivoli

xxxxx

Hi

Was delighted to read your latest post and wish your mum and the family all the best in fighting on.Jules54

Great!!!!

Ann