I am 31 years old female. Until a few months ago, I thought that life was difficult and was going through depression. Looking back, I do have to wonder what was wrong really. In August I discovered a lump in my armpit. I left it for a few weeks in case it was hormone related and in September I was referred to a breast clinic. They did an ultrasound and could not see anything on the breast but they did a core biopsy to the lymph node. The next few weeks went by full of stress and agony. I attended an appointment to pick up my biopsy results with my partner and the doctor explained that the core biopsy was not really conclusive but was suspicious of some type of lymphoma. I went into a shock as my father had been diagnosed with lymphoma and died from it some 20 years ago. The consultant told me that 'I should calm down and that I was over reacting'....I had the lymph node removed for a proper biopsy.. The lymph node turned out to be 6-7cm..I was meant to be picking up my results on 24/10 but on 19/10 I got a call from the clinic asking me to attend an urgent appointment with a hematologist the following day. They would not tell me the results over the phone, so I went into distress and called my GP who accessed the hospital records and said that the diagnosis was high grade lymphoma. I attended the appointment with the heamatologist the following day who explained that i needed to be ready for chemo. The only question i asked him is how this would affect fertility and he explained that basically I could freeze my eggs as fertility is affected....The rest of the appointment - I can't remember. All I remember is that when I left his office i sat on a bench and called my mum... When we got back home, I was horrified and couldnt stand being indoors so I got in the car to go out again. My phone rang and it was the same heamatologist that I had just seen, telling me that he had a further update from the lab and it instead appeared to be a low grade lymphoma (follicular non-hodgins lymphoma). I felt some relief until I googled more on this when I got home and realised that this type of cancer is not generally curable but treated as chronic condition. In addition 85-90% of those diagnosed with this type of cancer are stage 3 or 4 because it is generally asymptomatic and the life expectancy is about 10 years... It felt like I had been given a death sentence. In the following days, i had more blood tests, a bone marrow biopsy and a CT scan. The day after I had the CT scan the heamatologist rang me and explained that it was clear and that he wanted me to do a PET/CT to look at the tissues more closely. I had the PET/CT and then waited for about 10 days to get all of my results. During this time I felt something hard in my groin which stressed me out - about the size of a lentil.

I picked up my results on Wednesday and the heamatologist advised me that all of my tests including the bone marrow biopsy and the PET/CT were all clear and that there was no real evidence of disease. He explained that the Multi Disciplinary Team at the hospital debated on whether I should have radiotherapy or just wait and see, as radiotherapy could increase the chance of a secondary cancer. Radiotherapy cures 50 -60% of those with Stage 1 so he said that I should meet with the radiologist and consider the prons and cons and decide. Some of the consultants argued that as there is no evidence of disease, I should not be exposed to radiation whilst others said that I should go for it, in case any microscopic cells were missed by the PET/CT scan.

I showed him the small lump in my groin and explained that I was worried about it. He said that everyone including him have lumps in the groin and although he could feel it he did not seem bothered about it, saying that the PET/CT would have detected any cancer cells if present.

I was extremely happy the first day of my results but gradually I am beginning to feel terrified and worry that the PET/CT didn't do a good job and that missed the lump in my armpit. The last thing I would want is to have another scan in the future and be told that that lump is maligant....So i suppose, I am wondering how accurate PET/CT is and would be grateful for any of your advice or re-assurance.... I am stuggling to feel happy and re-assured with anything and it is not because i am not grateful but because I am scared and helpless. My mother was extremely happy when I called her with the results and I dont want to spoil it for her by expressing my concerns...My partner does understand, but only to an extend and generally, I feel that people around me can't understand why I feel so devastated and why I feel that this is a death sentence as it's not curable. It's too much to take in and I can't come to terms with any of it....

I am waiting for my heamatologist to put a report together and I will be seeing another consultant privately to get a second opinion on the type of treatment recommended....But I am living with fear - that the PET/CT was not accurate and that I will live life with a non curable cancer - a death sentence just aged 31....All I want is my life back...I want to be able to do the same things that people of my age do and be able to dream and plan just like I used to be and just like my friends...I feel that everyone around me is just moving on with life and I am being left behind. I should be happy with the diagnosis - Stage 1 and probably curable with radiotherapy and No Evidence of Disease. But why do I only feel fear?

mielboris