My name is Angela and my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in June this year and my Dad four months later, a double blow to all of us in the family. I live nearly 500 miles away from them which makes it harder for me to cope, i'm having a very hard time coming to terms with them both being ill and feel guilty not being there for them.

Hi Angela

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to read that both your parents have been diagnosed with lung cancer.

There are many users on here who, sadly, also have loved ones with cancer.

I hope that talking to others in similar situations will be of help to you; there are lots of friendly and supportive users on Cancer Chat.

Very best wishes,

Renata

Cancer Chat Moderator

I've just returned home to Denmark from the UK after being with my father who died of cancer to his lungs, liver, hip (bones?), and there was the start of something in his skull?

It was so sudden the decline, from being diagnosed to his death only 4-5 week have passed. The last 72 hours were so dramatic, when I think about what I witnessed I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It just doesn't seem real to me. I think that I am still in shock after the whole experience?

It seems that my father was living in pain for a long time, not really conveying to the doctors the agony he was feeling, albeit he made many visits to see them!

It wasn't until he really was too sick to travel to the local surgery that people stood up and took notice.

So I am home again now, and beginning to accept that cancer might play a part in my own life.

In February this year while living in the UK I had gallstone disease, and after an ultrasound scan, a shadow/lump was found in my gallbladder, which initially my GP cautioned/told me it could be/was cancer. So I went through the process of investigation, and thankfully it was not a danger to my health. In september of this year, after my move to Denmark, I had the gallbladder, the stone and the lump removed. Then 2 more MRI's and a minor endoscope removal of bits left in the gallbladder ducts, and now I think I've had the all clear?

But during the process of scans (CAT, MRI, ultrasound etc) over this year several other things have come to light, a fatty liver, stones in my kidneys, something with a long word beginning with M are beginning to cause me worry. Prior to my fathers death I just put these to the back of my mind, and had faith in what the doctors and consultants were telling me. But now I have witnessed cancer in my family first hand, I think a bit of paranoia has set in. Every ache and pain I have, seems to be magnified, the wounds from the surgery, my stomach hurts, it makes the same grumbling sounds that my fathers were making a fortnight ago, my back especially around my kidneys, my pelvis, groin and hip bones! Ailments that I have had in the past seem to hold deeper significance, like when it was found that I had polyps (?) in my colon several years ago.

I think what I am saying is that I am a bit like my father when it comes to illness, I get on with my life, and don't really want to bother other people. Which reading back sounds a bit bizarre!

If I am really worried about my own chances of getting cancer, (and at this point I really know nothing about the disease or how it might apply to me?) and want to be realistic about my health for now and the future, what signs should I be looking for?

I'm not really good at writing, or expressing my emotions, or talking about myself, or computers or chat rooms. So if this has not got to the right person, please would you forward it on.

P.S. I am a male, 47 years old, relatively fit, good diet, 6ft tall, 83kg.

Hello Daffodane,

And Welcome to Cancer Chat! Denmark must be a lovely place to live in. I have never been there myself, but have heard nice things about it. First of all, we are really sorry to hear about your father's sudden death. It must have been so traumatizing for you. I am sure other users will come along and talk to you about your own health worries.

Feel free to start a new thread on Cancer Chat and it will be easier for others to join in and respond.  You have described your anxieties very well so I do think you are good at writing and expressing your emotions.

So don't be shy, feel free to start a new thread and tell us more about how you feel. There are a lot of people here who have recently experienced the extreme grief of losing a loved one and will be happy to talk to you as well as advise you on your health worries.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thanks Lucie,

I have already written a few more posts, but I worry that I might be doing more harm than good, and where I am trying to comfort others, the writing seems to be a form of catharsis for me!

Are all the posts moderated before they are shown?

Could you direct me in the direction of a thread that might be more particular to me, the Internet is like a big daunting sweet shop with too much choice, as always I'm getting sidetracked.

Hi Daffodane

Don't worry at all about doing more harm than good. It's great if in seeking to help others, you help yourself as well. As a veteran Cancer Chat member posted not so long ago, here you receive help and you also pass it along. What a great system!

Dying with cancer is a thread where there are several discussions about bereavement. I don't know if you've seen this one?

In answer to your question, the posts aren't moderated before they are shown. We have some house rules and most members are happy to stick to them.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi,

For a first posting you've done not too bad.....thank goodness it's not a dating site though, I hope going by your last line that you've not stumbled onto us by mistake.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, and I hope you're feeling well yourself.  Keep coming on here you'll always find someone who can cheer you up.

We try and get through everything with a bit of humour and a smile when you need a wee boost.

keep in touch

S x

Dear Susan,

I see what you mean about the last bit of that post, it's a little bit embarressing. I was trying to convey what physical shape I am in due to my worries about contracting cancer myself.

In fact it's more of a description of myself than the real one i wrote to meet my wife online!

I really am a man of few words. So it is a surprise to find myself writing so openly, as I said to one poster, it might be my way of dealing with grief?

Hi there

My wife, Helen,  was diagnosed in June with appendiceal cancer - after sudden severe abdo pain and urgent surgery for a suspected twisted ovary - surgeons thought it was ovarian cancer but the histology shows it had developed from the appendix - apparantly very rare. She has had 6 cycles of CapeOx and not coped with them too badly and has had clear scans after 3 cycles and 2 weeks ago.

I mainly joined becuase I had a query re post chemo gut inflammation - on another post

However it is helpful to post on here because we have been coping with the complete shock of going from healthy to incurable cancer patient with no warning signs - I am the only person Helen really talks to about it as she is quite private and also tends to be a bit pessimistic (proved right this time!!) - so it has been my job to try to keep her spirits up - I sometimes run out of helpful things to say (can't use 'everything will be fine' anymore as this time it won't!). I have been struggling to keep focussed at work as it doesn't seem so important anymore, but my bosses have been great and very supportive and also trying to remain postive with our daughters (17 & 19) although the older one is a medical student and fully understands what is going on - she found her recent Oncology placement quite hard to take.

Helen keeps feeling guilty about the effect she is having on me and the girls as though it is her fault she has the cancer - presumably others wil feel like that as well.

We are both health professionals (pharmacist and a dietitian) which sometimes helps and sometimes you know too much!

Thanks for reading, if you do!