Good morning all. Thankyou for allowing me to join.

As title suggests, this being due to a high level positive fit test and high cea blood result. I'm due for a colonoscopy tomorrow afternoon and conflicted between trying to be positive or terrified. I can't have sedation as I'll be going alone. I'm hoping my dark sense of humour will get me through ( they'll probably kick me out , based on this!!) coping mechanism!! 

My brain is currently in overdrive in worst case scenarios as I live alone and have no real support network. I left an abusive relationship over 10 years ago and have kept myself to myself as lost trust in my judgment not to get involved with the wrong people ( romantically and friendship wise) . 

If a cancer diagnosis ensues, can I still have treatment or will they say no as I have no one?  Also , a smoker so full of self blame and don't feel i should receive treatment as its self inflicted. 

Apologies for this being full on and thankyou for being there.

Best wishes to all on here