Prostate Cancer - although my treatment is working I can't help these feelings of worry and dread. How have others coped with this?

Hi, i am 62yrs old and was diagnosed with prostate cancer in October last year after having a PSA test in the September. My brother in law died of prostate cancer at the age of 58 a few years ago and his wife is an advocate of men over 55 being tested. 

I had no symptoms whatsoever and requested the test after attending the doctors for holiday vaccinations. Within a week I was contacted by the surgery with a PSA of 12.1. This led to a manual digit test where I was told that my prostate felt normal but that i was being placed on the cancer pathway due to the high PSA reading.

Ended up with further tests including MRI which also proved inconclusive and offered the biopsy as the only way to confirm or dismiss any cancer concerns. A further PSA result also come back as 14.4

I had the necessary biopsies carried out (which I hope I dont have to do again anytime soon) which concluded that I did have Prostate Cancer with Gleason scores of 3+3 and 3+4. It was hiding on the underside of the prostate but crucially, was contained within the prostate.

I 'manned' up for my wife's sake as I knew that losing her brother affected her badly. In fact, I was comforting her when I was diagnosed.

I decided after listening to the treatments available to me which were radical prostatectomy or radiotherapy, to go with radiotherapy. My consultant saying that I was a good candidate for SABR Radiotherapy which was a high dose treatment but only requiring 5 fraction treatments on consecutive days. This was completed over the New Year. 

Blood tests in March showed treatment working and PSA of 4.6 still high but greatly reduced and should be near to 0.2 within 18 months. 

I am still dealing with side effects, mainly urgent and frequent visits to loo for a pee! Bit of an ache down there and dozing off a little bit. 

I did try to get back to work after 2 months but frequent loo visits and not being able to concentrate properly caused me to go off work again at end of March. 

Ive worked for the same local government employer for 43 years and have been referred to Occupational Health with a view to me being retired on ill health. To add insult to injury the job I had been working towards for last 2yrs was advertised and filled while I was off sick!

I have since become very emotional over the whole thing and find it difficult to speak about it, ive tried but then find myself getting a bit upset and have to stop. And despite knowing that things are getting better and my consultant being more than happy with my progress, I continue to have these feelings of worry and dread for the future and its just not like me!

The purpose of this post is to ask if anyone else either felt the same way or did feel like that and, if so, what did you do to 'snap' out of it so to speak.

Thank you and sorry ive been a bit long winded!!

  • Hello Digger1

    I'm sorry to hear that you were diagnosed with prostate cancer at the end of last year, having lost your brother-in-law to the same diagnosis just a few years before. I'm sure it was a worrying time for both you and your wife, but it's good to hear that the specialist felt you were a good candidate for treatment. Hopefully, over the coming months, the side effects you've been experiencing will settle and your PSA levels will continue to drop. 

    It's understandable that you've been feeling overwhelmed by things at times recently. Being diagnosed with cancer can leave us open to experiencing a real rollercoaster of emotions and at times it can be frustrating and difficult to understand why and how things will ever improve. You ask in your post how people "snap" out of it. I'm not sure that there is a way to snap out of it - more that it's a process of digging your way out of things, working through the thoughts and feelings and adapting to the changes that come following on from cancer. I know that many of the members here in the Cancer Chat community will agree that sometimes talking through things, even when it gets difficult, can be really helpful in the process of healing. Sometimes talking with a trusted friend or loved one can be what we need. Sometimes it's more helpful to talk with someone who's not connected to us but who can provide a safe space of understanding to explore those thoughts and feelings. If you have an organisation such as Maggie's in your local area, you can visit to talk with one of their cancer support specialists or perhaps attend a men's group. Prostate Cancer UK also provide different support services that you can access, and of course, you are most welcome to call and talk with one of our cancer nurses if you'd like to. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information, and support they can. They're available Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, on 0808 800 4040. 

    In terms of your employment, I'd suggest having a look at the Macmillan website, which has information about cancer and employment rights. If you have cancer, the law considers this a disability. This means you cannot be treated less favourably than people who do not have cancer because you have cancer. You also cannot be treated less favourably for reasons connected to the cancer. That would be discrimination. You might want to call their support line or contact Citizens Advice before going to your occupational health appointment for some advice. 

    I hope that things improve for you Digger1. Don't be afraid to let your specialist cancer nurse or Consultant know how you're feeling as well. They will be best placed to know what support and adjustments may be available in your local area. 

    And of course, you are most welcome to keep posting here in the Cancer Chat community if it helps to have a safe space to put down in writing how you're feeling. We're here for you. 

    Sending my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator