Scared - after being cancer free for a year I was told yesterday that it's highly likely to come back. I just feel so sad. I don't want to die

This is hard and first time i have done this , so here goes. 

I am whatever one say is a highly positive person but yesterday gave me a huge wobble. Two years ago i had what i thought was a pulled muscle long story short it was cancer . Ovarian stage four ( hate the stage thing)i had chemo then brilliant surgery which gave me a hysterectomy, bowel resection, appendix, apron, and spleen removal. Followed by another couple of chemos , and rubicon . 

Now i have been told yesterday after a year cancer free its highly likely to come back .

Not focusing on how well I am doing, and markers are better than some healthy people. I just feel so sad and I don't want to die.

I know I am being stupid but any positive ideas before I get carried away cutting a hedge down.

Thank you xx

  • Hey Big-Bird, 

    I hope you don't mind me stopping by, but I just wanted to welcome you to the Cancer Chat community and let you know how sorry I am to hear about the news you've been given.

    After everything you have been through, you've got every right to be feeling sad so do be kind to yourself at this time and allow yourself the time and space you need to process what you've been told. 

    You've been very brave by sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, but if you do start feeling overwhelmed at any point then don't hesitate to reach out to your GP and/or medical team for further support and advice. I do hope the mental health and cancer section of our website will be useful, but there are many helpline and listening services you can contact as well, including the Samaritans who are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123, if it would help to speak to someone about what you are going through.

    So many of our members know how devastating it can be to receive such news, especially after doing so well for so long, so you are not alone Big-Bird and hopefully some of them will stop by soon to offer their support and advice.

    In the meantime, try to take things one step, and day, at a time and remember that we will always be here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator