Just need to talk - raised PSA, waiting for MRI scan and diagnosis

I have been told I have a psa of 19.4 although I haven't had my mri yet, I've tried to look at the worst as i have a slight ache at the top of the sacrum so I won't get any surprises, the only thing that upsets me I have two beautiful grandaughters 2 and 6 months and I can't stop thinking how ill miss them if the inevitable happens.