Hi Clomper and welcome to Cancer Chat.

I'm very sorry to hear that your dad is in the latter stages of his cancer diagnosis and that the community hospital can no longer look after him despite this being what your dad wanted. This must be a very difficult time for you all.

Unfortunately I can't answer your questions about this but if you give one of our cancer nurses a call tomorrow they may be able to shed some light on this and be able to offer some advice on what to do next. If you'd like to speak to them they're available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m and they will do all they can to help.

Hopefully some of our members who have been in a similar situation with their loved ones will share their experiences and advice with you soon as well.

We're sending you all our support Clomper and really hope you're able to get some answers soon.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Chomper,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am sorry to hear of your dad's situation and appreciate your concerns. I know that it's a long shot, but is there a space available in a local hospice and would your dad be willing to accept this?  We did this with my father-im-law just 3 days before he died and it was a seamless move. He was much more comfortable there than in hospital and they had everything on hand to afford him a peaceful passing.

I sincerely hope that he won't be too upset by the move. Please keep in touch and let us know how he gets on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards.

Jolamine xx

Thanks so much for your reply. How can we find out if there is space in a local hospice? We have a fantastic Sue Ryder hospice just down the road, but apparently there is a waiting list… How can you know you’re going to need palliative care to put yourself on a waiting list?!

xx

Hi Clomper,

I would expect that your hospital might know what availability is like. Our local hospital were able to arrange this for us when my father-in-law needed to go into a hospice. They arranged this within a matter of days. The other way would be to approach the hospice direct. None of us really know how long we'll need palliative care for, but hospices are used to this. Most hospices have a waiting list but they usually keep 1 or 2 places for urgent immediate care.

I am quite surprised that the hospital want to discharge your dad, when he is on a syringe driver, hasn't eaten for 2 weeks, is drinking so little and is so poorly. Perhaps it is because he has refused treatment, so in their view he no longer needs medical care and the hospital needs a spare bed? Sometimes the emotional needs and wishes of the patient tend to be overlooked in these circumstances. Has the consultant told you or your dad what his prognosis is? I know that this is not always accurate, but it might give you a better chance of getting him into a hospice if his time is limited.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. It is difficult enough going through end of life with a loved one, without having all this additional hassle.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply Jolamine. Literally a day after I posted this the community hospital decided he was no longer safe to travel, and he died 4 days later.

We are of course heartbroken, but relieved that his suffering is over, and that he was able to stay where he wanted to be. They treated him with respect and dignity.

Chloe xx

Hi Clomper,

I am so sorry to hear this and I send my sincere sympathy to you and your family. I know that this is a heart-breaking time and that it will be hard for some time to come, but I appreciate your relief that your dad got to stay where he wanted to be, that he is no longer suffering and that he got the respect and dignity he deserved right up to the end. I was frankly amazed that the hospital considered discharging him, when it sounded as if he was so near to the end of his life. I had a similar experience with my mum and this is exactly how I felt too.

Thinking of you all and I am always here if you want to chat.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx 

Just like Jolamine, I wanted to quickly stop by and offer you my heartfelt condolences for your loss Chloe.

This must be incredibly difficult, but I'm glad you can take some comfort from knowing your dad was able to be where he wanted when he passed and that he was very well looked after at the end.

Our thoughts are with you Chloe and we're sending you and your family all our strength and support.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator