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Caring for someone with cancer whilst also going through cancer....

BamBam1
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I have been caring for my cousin, (whom I love like a sister) for nearly 3 years now, she has low grade ovarian cancer, she has fought so hard and my admiration for her is endless... 6 months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, initially I did not tell anyone until a few days before surgery, last month.. I've had a full mastectomy, I suffered necrosis and had to have the implant removed, the rest of my skin cut off and a tissue expander added without expansion, two weeks ago and my surgeon is not positive ... I am awaiting the Oncotype DX test to see whether I need further treatment and I should feel positive and happy, that things are progressing, (fingers crossed positively)....

However I feel guilt and major sadness, as she has been through hell and nothing I have done or try to do is ever going to save her, she is terminal, just started her 3rd round of chemo and she says it is killing her... I'm not sure how much longer she can survive and it is breaking me and affecting my mental health, yet I can't tell anyone as I have no support, I am the support...

I am just hoping someone can advise me how to cope with these feelings ? I feel like an awful human, her son is breaking, my whole family is suffering and I can't do anything to help...

  • Welcome to cancer chat, BamBam1.

    Reading your post, it’s clear just how much you’ve been carrying. You’ve been caring so deeply for your cousin, someone you love like a sister, while also facing your own breast cancer diagnosis and recovery. It’s no wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed, sad, and guilty, these are incredibly tough emotions to hold all at once.

    But please know, you’re not failing anyone by looking after yourself. In fact, taking care of your own wellbeing is what allows you to keep being there for her. You’ve already shown such strength and compassion, and you truly deserve some of that kindness for yourself too.

    There are a couple of pages on our website you might find helpful. One is about coping with cancer, and offers ideas on how to support yourself as you go through treatment. Another focuses on support for family, friends and carers, which might speak to what you’re going through alongside your cousin.

    And above all, please remember you’re not alone. We’re here to listen, and to chat, whenever you need a space to talk things through.

    Thank you for reaching out. Your voice matters.

    Warm wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Renata

    Renata, thank you so much for showing me such empathy, as I write this I have my cousin on the phone... It has been a very hard day for her and I can feel my heart breaking with what she faces... We aren't even talking, we are just together,  she is watching soaps, while I am checking emails and just by chance I looked in my junk folder and saw your response and it truly means a lot to me... Thank you.. I will take on board what you have said and also check the pages you have recommended as honestly, I feel you've hit the nail right on it's head... xoxo

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