Hi,

Firstly you need to ask her why she isn't eating. Is it because she doesn't feel hungry, feels full or is frightened of eating. Or is it that she's depressed and is altogether avoiding eating, talking, doing daily tasks etc? 

If it's the latter, I suggest you get her to see her GP and hopefully they can help with her mental health and subsequently her eating.

If it's the former, you really have to be guided by the patient. I'm not only a cancer patient but was also a pancreatitis patient for a year & I had zero appetite (I always felt full) and felt sick at the sight and smell of food. Anti sickness tablets from the GP helped a little (if she hasn't got any). Keep portions very small (little & often is best) and ask the patient what they want to eat.

Yes, the supplement drinks aren't nice. If she's losing that much weight she needs to ask her GP for a referral to a community or hospital dietician who will suggest what & how much supplement she needs & suggest foods that will help. Your GP can then prescribe the supplement drinks (saving her the huge cost of over the counter drinks). Supplement drinks vary so it's important she's drinking the ones particular to her needs (for vitamins, minerals & calories). 

Personally, I lost 4 stone over 3 months & almost ended up back in hospital to be force fed! Although I hated the supplement drinks, I hated being force fed more (within the first 3 weeks of my hospital admittance). The supplements used by the NHS are either Fortisip or Fortijuice or Ensure. Each bottle provides 300 calories & all the daily vitamins & minerals. I ended up on 3 of these daily (900 calories) as I was only eating 500 calories on a good day. If the dairy based Fortisip or Ensure make her feel sick, mix a little vanilla icecream with them. They make the taste a little more tolerable and supply extra calories. I preferred the Fortijuice (my GP didn't prescribe this so I bought it, although it was mega expensive). I would mix this with lemonade and drink it through a straw. Also, don't drink them quickly - they are meant to be sipped over a period of time or they will definitely make her feel sick.

It's good that she had a mashed banana. Malt loaf (like you mentioned) was my saviour & the only thing I would eat daily (put full fat butter or cream cheese on it for more calories). Anything that you can add for more calories is good - a crumpet with butter & honey, rice pudding with cream, full fat milk in drinks and on cereal (I tolerated half a Weetabix & full fat milk & sugar), a full fat yoghurt, a small Mars bar - anything to graze on rather than a meal on a plate which mentally turned me off. I always had a bag of boiled sweets beside me if I felt the need for something (I never eat boiled sweets usually) - a few more calories (even if full of sugar)! I love a fish finger sandwich but the thought made me sickly - so hubby just made me one fish finger, cut into small portions & with a little ketchup. I managed to eat it & actually enjoyed it! 

If you can get her to see her GP it will help her, and you, enormously. If not, try & get her to speak to her consultant at her next appointment - they will make the referral to the dietician. She needs to be relatively 'fit' for whatever treatment is decided upon so it's important this is addressed quickly. 

Good luck & I hope everything turns around & goes well for you both,

Angie (Stage 3 melanoma patient since 2009)