Hello Garry,

                     l feel somewhat guilty in having to tell you l am one of the fortunates who have survived such a horrible diagnosis whilst you are still in the midst of your own personal firestorm.

l am now 11 years on from the start of my journey and 8 years since my stoma reversal. Five years followed in which my bowel finally decided to come back to something closer to civilised behaviour.It still reminds me daily that it is not a happy bunny about having bits of it chopped out and rejoined, and like an angry child still throws tantrums every so often, but we have learnt respect and how to co-exist  with each other.

Having had radiotherapy,pre and post surgery chemo and witnessing first hand its debilitating effects in permanent neuropathy l can understand your comments over your own treatment and how even harder your struggle must be.

.l can also recognise only too well your comment of not knowing what it going on inside you., l adopted the grim mindset of thinking that if the treatment was crucifying me so hard,just imagine what it was doing to my uninvited guest,and that he picked the wrong address to set up residence.

l too,learnt the lesson you describe and understand so well,, that cancer sufferers are not only the hostof the main event, those on the front row seats are fully involved in the show, but even more helpless than the star attraction.

The frustration and pain you must feel in being prevented from leading the life you would desire is a hard burden to bear and one l can emphasise with in that my forays out into the world have been limited, but living on a Scottish island the sea is 200 mtrs across my fields from my doorstep.

My last attempt at a small 3 night getaway, our first in years, to neighbouring islands went well until the afternoon of the second day when out exploring we drove past the small cottage hospital,30 minutes later l was back there with a blocking bowel,dischargedat 6pm, back to a larger hospital on a neighbouring hospital at 1am, discharged at midday and headed for the ferry to take me home, and ended up being rushed up to the main hospital off the ferry with a policeman driving our car with his colleague in front in another clearing the way.

Although l stand on much firmer ground than yourself and do it now with a smile and lightness of heart,l still share that common ground of not knowing what the next days challenge may bring, and l have not forgotten the gloomy place l managed to leave behind that you still reside in

l don't have any answers,suggestions or throwaway platitudes for your current predicament, just someone who has formerly shared a small part of the pain you are now having to endure, its not easy,and can never be easy unless you can drag yourself away from the quicksand that is holding you down.

You previously stated it was good to write, l hope you find it good to read and share and in doing so, don't find the contents of my post objectionable or hurtful in anyway,

Find a good thing in your day to reflect upon that can take you away for an all too brief respite, 

David