Hi, I live in Worcestershire and used to love walking the Malvern Hills.

Just when my strength was building up a check up has identified a few new tumors. I've decided to go ahead with treatment with the option of stopping treatment if it becomes pointless. I don't want to simply be alive, but to live a life with vigor. 

Two years ago I had a lot of chemotherapy and radiotherapy for oesophagus cancer which has been amazing and successful.  Fortunately it's not returned in that area. 

I'm a naturally positive and motivated person and I am approaching this next stage as a project and saying all the right things to loved ones. In truth, I'm not sure I do have the strength and energy. I'm worried the chemotherapy will ruin what goodness and heath I have left. I need a place to say that without getting an overwhelming amount of encouragement, silence, disappointment or evidence of success. I know all that. Been there before, had an end of life plan, fought against the odds and had a brilliant and surprising time of my life. This may be the start of the end, and that's ok, I just don't want it to drag on while I get weaker and more sick.

Does anyone else feel like this?