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Doing my head in

LutonSue
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Hi, I was diagnosed in 2017 with grade 3 it had spread to my lymph nodes . I had a lumpectomy followed by a second op to clear my lymph nodes, chemo and radiotherapy. I finished treatment in March 2018 and have been cancer free since. My issue is my mum died of secondary breast cancer and I am literally my mum's daughter every condition my mum had I now have e.g. she had thyroid issues so have I, she had back operations I am awaiting for one etc.

My mum lasted 10 years before she died 6 weeks after diagnosis and as you can guess as the years pass and get nearer to the 10 year mark my anxiety and mental health is going thru the roof. I know no one can predict the future but try telling that to my brain. Every day or night I wake up it is my first thought, if I have a headache it's a brain tumour, if I have pain in my stomach it's pancreatic/ stomach cancer. 

I try telling myself live for today and enjoy life but the devil is always on my shoulder reigning me back.

How do others cope what coping mechanisms do you use to calm the mind

Thank you 

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat, LutonSue.
    I’m sorry to hear about what you're going through.
    It’s completely understandable that, given your family history and everything you've experienced, these worries would be weighing heavily on your mind. Anxiety can be so overwhelming, especially when linked to past experiences, and it’s clear you’re doing your best to manage it.
    Many people here will be able to relate to what you’re describing like the fear of recurrence, heightened awareness of every symptom, and the challenge of balancing rational thoughts with the 'what ifs'. Hopefully, some members will be able to share what has helped them.
    Have you had the chance to speak to your GP or a counsellor about how this is affecting you? There may be support available that could help ease some of this anxiety.
    We also have some information on our webpage about dealing with fear and anxiety after cancer treatment, which I hope may be helpful if you have a moment to read it.
    Alternatively, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our team of nurses, they’re available on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.
    You’re doing the right thing by reaching out, and I hope you find some reassurance from others here who truly understand.
    Best wishes,
    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator
  • Offline

    Hi Sue,

    That’s a hard question to answer, I’ve been carrying that little devil on my shoulder for 11 years now!
    Different cancer (Oesophageal) but the same fear that my luck will run out sooner or later.
    Is that pain in my tummy due to a dodgy curry, or has the secondary on my liver come back to haunt me? 
    I block it out and tell myself to enjoy these unexpected bonus years most of the time, but the nagging fear sometimes comes back at two in the morning.

    Best wishes
    Dave

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Hi Dave

    It sounds weird under the circumstances to say thank you but it helps that I am not alone with my thoughts and that others have similar feelings.

    Wishing you the best for the future

    Sue

  • Offline in reply to LutonSue

    Hi Sue,

    No worries - it seems to be common amongst cancer survivors. I was at a CRUK conference last year and by a million to one chance found myself randomly sat at a table with two stage 4 oesophageal cancer survivors and an upper GI oncologist. The three of us had similar feelings of raised awareness and the oncologist said many of his patients did too. 

    I guess that little devil reminds us not to become too complacent! The trick is to avoid him drowning out all the good things!

    Bye for now
    Dave

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Dark thoughts are normal, which does not make them go away but hopefully can convince you that it is doesn't mean a dark conclusion is just around the corner.   It's part of our survival instinct to think the worst to make us run away - that works when it's a big animal snarling at us but doesn't help when you can't literally run form cancer.   It's really tough - try not to reject the thoughts but let them pass through.  Also, listen to something - anything, an audio book or a podcast.  It's very hard for your brain to listen and have thoughts at the same time.   A pair of headphones and the radio puts me to sleep every night I wake up worrying...... all the best

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