Hi Ingus,

First of all you’re definitely not alone with how you’re feeling. I survived also and feel massively guilty when I know so many other lovely people I met in treatment haven’t been so fortunate. But survival comes with its own challenges, it’s nothing like what we see on TV and I am forever and completely changed by what I went through. I reached out to my GP for a referral for talking therapies, maybe you could consider that too? 

I am also in this position. This year has been horrible but I'm through it. Diagnosed with bowel cancer in April, they removed the offending part (no stoma required thankfully) along with quite a bit of my bowel in early June. Chemo was required and that started in August and finished on 18th October. I have also been made redundant from my job in August. A blessing! Presumably having removed the cancer from my bowel and finished chemo I'm now cancer free. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. I know I should be on cloud nine and i have been there.... but the last few days I've been really worrying that my cancer will return.  I also haven't had a check up since finishing chemo. The support nurse has called me though and said that I will have a tel call in January to follow up. 

Ingus there is no right way to feel after cancer.

Things have changed alot for me and i haven't really come to terms with all the changes yet. Physically or mentally. Give yourself time. That's what I'm trying to do. I have a good support network of friends and family, i hope you do too. 

Sending you positive thoughts and healing vibes. 

Thankyou both for your kind words I have support but find it hard to talk to family always have I suppose thinking about I expected it all to go away one cancer gone and that only people with late stage or incurable cancer have the right to feel like I do right now but when they tell you it’s a journey then it’s a journey no matter what you have I’ve have made a decision to go and talk to cancer nurse about the pain I still have in my wound site and side effects I’m having thanks guys