Numb and lost: I found out 2 days ago my mum has stage 4 lung cancer

Hi I found out 2 days ago my mum has stage 4 lung cancer. She has been unwell for several months but was fobbed off by her GP with multiple rounds of antibiotics. We knew something wasn't right so we kept pushing. Eventually they kind of took her more seriously and tests begun to take place but at an absolute snails pace. During which no pain management took place, no wellbeing checks she was practically forgotten until we screamed and shouted. By the time this week comes round she had gone from fiercely independent and enjoying her life to frail, lacking independent mobility and in agonising pain. I cried at the initial diagnosis but since then I've been numb. I have waves of sadness, then most oddly waves of feeling normal. The worst thing yet is having a moment of realising that I won't be receiving any more calls from her. We have a tradition of calling one another every week and just chatting away for a couple of hours even if I'm seeing her a few days later. She has become so confused and a bit angry towards my dad and sister. But oddly she is still ok with me as yet. She made them call me twice this evening and there was a brief moment of normality. Beautiful but also a dagger to my heart. I understand I am lucky to be approaching my late 30s at still have both my parents but I can't help but feel robbed of time. I had my first baby almost a year ago and they are her first and only grandchild I feel sad that they won't remember my mum and how amazing she is. My husband to be lost his mums before we met so have good support from experienced hands but I find myself wanting to scream how unfair it is that it's my mum. I of course don't but it flashes through my mind regardless. I don't even know why I've come on here but thanks for reading it you got this far. 

  • Hi Duke87, 

    I am so sorry about your mum's diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. The diagnosis must have hit you hard and it's so sad what happened, that she was fobbed off for months and was given all these rounds of antibiotics. You did well to trust your intuition that something wasn't right and sometimes it is worth keeping pushing as you did. It's a shame though that even after you kept pushing, tests started happening but it all took place at a snail's pace. Poor you, you had to do a lot of screaming and shouting it seems to be heard and it must have been truly exhausting. It's very sad that her condition has deteriorated so fast and that it has made her a bit confused and angry towards your dad and sister. It sounds like  she has a very special bond with you and is feeling the need to reach out to you. I can imagine it is truly heart-breaking for you having had a baby recently and feeling that your mum may not get to spend as much time with her grandchild as you would have liked. I know it's really hard but try and focus on making memories now and having as much quality time with your mum as you can and that she gets to have as many baby cuddles as possible. You seem to have great support from your husband who lost his mum and therefore knows how you are feeling and I am sure he will be there by your side to support you through this difficult time as will other members of our community who have been in a similar place before and who will understand, better than anyone, what you are going through at the moment. 

    We're thinking of you, your mum and your family during this difficult time and I just wanted you to know you are not alone and we are all here for you anytime you need to offload.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator