We are in a living hell

Hello, I posted last night for the first time, but I didn’t introduce myself and the circumstances that my small family are in. My husband and I are older parents and we have our beautiful 18-year old son together. Our world has imploded in the last 2-weeks when sudden and unexpected tests, scans, and biopsies were done to my husband. We received the shattering news a few days ago that he has cancer of the oesophagus, that is also in the stomach. Yesterday afternoon we learnt that legions have been found in his liver. If this is confirmed as cancerous, he is only likely to have months to live. I am still recovering from a serious mental breakdown and our son has recently been diagnosed with autism (high functioning) and ADHD. I also received a late adult diagnosis of these same disabilities. My husband is the primary carer for our son because we reversed our roles during my pregnancy all those years ago, and I have been the sole breadwinner. Our son sees his Dad as his advocate, superhero, and role model and they are incredibly close, as is the three of us. We don’t have any other family in our area and our son is an only child. I am so scared - terrified beyond belief that we won’t get through this. How can we endure such heartbreak? How will we get through the gut wrenching process of this tragedy? Our hearts are broken and we are planning to inform our son in a few days time of this news that will destroy his life and devastate him forever. I literally feel like I am cracking up. 

  • Hello Sunflower101, 

                                       it would be difficult to find words that could ease your nightmare, a progressive cancer diagnosis arrives as a hammer blow that sweeps away the ground from underneath you, and as you point out it affects so many more than the sufferer..As one who has battled back from bowel cancer with outward spread to the liver l can at least acknowledge the depth of the pain you are now forced to bear.

    The only positive thing l can offer is to urge you to seek help and counselling from MAGGIES if you have one near you. They cannot change the medical outcome but they can positively change your journey in dealing with it, this goes for all three of you.

    On the financial side speak to Macmillans, l realise this comes low down on immediate priorities, but if it can remove any potential burden, every load lifted from your shoulders is to be welcomed.

    Wishing you well seems a flimsy comment under your circumstances, but l feel for you,

      David

  • Hi Sunflower101 and welcome to the forum.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your husband and for all that you are going through at the moment.

    I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I hope the support and advice you have received on both of your posts has offered you some comfort at this time.

    If you would like to talk any of this through with someone then our team of cancer nurses are available on 0808 800 4040. Their helpline is open Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m and they will do all they can to support you and answer any other questions you may have.

    I hope you will find this information and advice we have about talking to children about cancer to be useful as well.

    We're thinking of you Sunflower101 and sending all our strength and support your way.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator