Newly diagnosed

I’ve just recently been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I am feeling very overwhelmed and scared. I’m waiting for an MRI to find out where the cancer is. It’s microscopic, but still there. I am on my own with two children and keep thinking the worst. Does anyone else have this feeling(s)? I’m just waiting for appointments and trying not to google anything. The hospital have given me all the necessary paperwork, which has been fantastic, but I’m honestly scared, more so early morning and late at night. I feel it’s my fault that I have got this and I am to blame. I am really trying to be positive and I know, in my heart, I will fight this. But when I’m alone those intrusive thoughts come hanging around. Have I got it in my lymph nodes? Is there a secondary cancer that’s not been picked up? I’m hoping that there is someone who has/is having those same thoughts. If you do how have you coped? Thank you to anyone who can help. 

  • So sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I had a shock diagnosis 3 yrs ago for testicular cancer, the tumor was a lot bigger than the little ridge I could feel. Consultants all said it wouldn't be cancer but biopsy proved otherwise. At the time it was a running joke to me and the wife but my latest screening results have shown a lymph node in my left lung is abnormal so I know exactly what you are going through. It's hit me a lot harder this time knowing it could have returned. It's hard as the times you have said are when your most likely to feel this huge burden on yourself. Just Friday I was driving my bus for work and only just managed to stop myself bursting into tears thinking about if it was the worst and what will happen to my kids and my wife (she suffers from depression combined with a ADHD breakdown).

    You say it is microscopic so it must have been caught early which is always a positive thing. The waiting part is the worst I have another month until I can have my next CT scan. The best but of advice I have currently is to create a small network of people who can support you when you need them. Just because it's been found doesn't make you alone friends or family can help relieve the burden of your open with them about your fears. Another thing I've found helpful is practicing breathing techniques at bed time. My smart watch has a breathing system which helps me fall asleep rather than going into overdrive of what ifs. It's not easy but biggest thing to remember is you are not alone. Stay positive x

  • One thing I am going to start to do when it arrives is start a journal. I've ordered a kindle scribe as I wanted it for work whilst training new drivers but it's also going to be used to journal my feelings and thoughts whilst I go through the rediagnosis of potential secondary cancer as I think it might help me cope. Not saying buy something so expensive but even a simple little notebook you can easily carry around all day and write in. Potentially could be a good way to release any emotions and negative thoughts x