Cancer Research UK main site

My Mum has terminal cancer

KAB87
Offline

I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me. My Mum has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Pancreatic cancer that's spread to multiple organs. I feel like iv already lost her and everyday I'm grieving for all the plans we had, all the plans she had with my 5 year old son. She's 67 and we was meant to get many more years. I'm wanting to enjoy the time we have and make memories as a family but I'm finding it so hard to just make it through a day without crying. She's my world and the rock of our family, I don't want to imagine my future without her in it. 

  • Offline

    So sorry to hear this. My Dad has terminal stomach cancer and this is how I feel too. I cant comprehend thr future. Its super hard to know what to do. You're not alone x 

  • Offline in reply to HMC

    I'm sorry about your Dad also. My Mum wants to try keep things as normal as we can but I just can't get my head to snap out of this low mood, I feel guilty if I smile, what have I got to smile about now x

  • Offline in reply to KAB87

    Its ok to not want to smile. I feel like im on a roller-coaster not quite sure how the world is carrying on as normal. X

  • Offline

    I'm so sorry to hear. I lost my dad nearly 10yrs ago to lung cancer. It's a rollercoaster what you as a family will be going through. I was upset and couldn't sleep at night, angry at the thought of losing him. I was only 23 at the time. The hardest thing is to be there but be there with her. In the nicest way make it an adventure that you can both travel down. I would recommend if she is well enough to go away for a short break and take photographs of you all so you have something to remind yourself of her in her good life not what she will 'become'. I wish I could say it will get easier but as you said in your reply to HMC your mum wants to carry on as normal. She will probably want to feel normal and enjoy herself as much as possible. Treat her as normal but also try approach the horrible conversations that you don't want. Best question I ever asked my dad was "was he scared" it was about half way before he passed but it showed me that he was but wasn't at the same time. It gave me strength. I created a lot of good memories with my dad before he died but still miss him. I hope this helps. Stay strong

  • Offline in reply to Jezzer1189

    Thank you for your advice and I'm sorry for your loss especially at such a young age. I'm angry at the thought my 5 year old sons heart is going to break and iv got to try be strong for him while mine is also breaking. His Grandma is is everything. Just want the world to stop spinning for awhile and pause time but I know that's not a option x

  • Offline in reply to KAB87

    I completely understand how you feel. I have a 2yr old and 8yr old now. 3 yrs ago I was diagnosed myself with testicular cancer stage 1 seminoma and given the all clear. On Wednesday I was informed via phone consultation that a screening has detected an abnormal lymph node on lymph left lung so I'm back at square 1 trying to stay happy whilst my wife and I are in panic mode with the what if it's back. Our 8yr knows but the huge fear is what you're going through being the situation for me. Time will tell for me. 

    It's not easy telling children but in a perverse way knowing it's going to happen can make it easier than it being sudden and unexpected. You will find you are grieving already at the knowledge that your mum is dying. Stay strong and make those precious memories it will make it easier for all of you. Smile all day but don't be afraid to show your tears. Speak to other family and friends. X

  • Offline in reply to Jezzer1189

    I am so sorry to hear what your going through and I hope everything stays positive news for you and your family. Thank you for your reply it's very much appreciated especially with everything you have going on right now. Sending you lots of positive healing vibes. You got this!!! x

  • Offline in reply to KAB87

    I have a similar situation with my dad and it’s ok to cry and ok to smile. It’s devastating seeing him a shadow of his energetic self and the impact it’s having on my mum. We also have a young son who loves his grandad. My world is spinning too and my thoughts are with you. Sending love x

  • Offline in reply to HMC

    I have a similar situation with my dad and can’t imagine the future either. Thoughts are with you x

  • Offline in reply to Jezzer1189

    Thoughts are with you and your family x

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.