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Brother diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer spread to lungs and liver. I’m struggling to be strong for him

Jaymo10
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Hello everyone. 
my 58 year old brother has been through some rough times last few years and has just this week been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer that’s spread to his lungs and liver. He’s extremely anaemic and waiting for a call to go for iron infusion as can’t have any treatment until he’s stronger. 
I'm just really struggling to stay emotionally strong for him and my heart is broken. He’s being very positive about his diagnosis (or maybe he’s in denial) but I’m just so sad for him after all he’s been through in his personal life these last few years. 
He has ZERO quality of life right now as he has the urge to toilet all day long and it’s causing him a lot of pain. 
How can I control my emotions and be strong for him. He can’t cope with other people getting emotional over all this but every time I see him or speak to him my heart breaks all over again. 
I just need help to be strong for him.. 

How do other people manage to stay strong for their loved ones please? 

  • Hello Jaymo10

    I'm sorry to hear about your brother's diagnosis and the situation he now finds himself in. It sounds like it's a difficult time and it's understandable that you're struggling with seeing someone that you love struggle. 

    Many people struggle to be strong when they are caring for a loved one. Watching someone you care for struggle with an illness is never easy. I can see that  recently posted sharing a similar question to yours. Sometimes it can really help to talk with others who understand how you're feeling so perhaps the two of you may be able to connect and talk through your experiences. 

    We have some information on our website about how to support someone with cancer as well as information about taking care of yourself. Hopefully, this will help but if you'd like to talk with one of our nurses about how you're feeling you can call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice and support they can. 

    Hopefully your brother will hear about the iron infusion soon and this will help boost how he is feeling physically. 

    Keep in touch Jaymo10 and let us know how you're all managing. 

    Sending you both my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Hi.

    I'm going through this metastatic colorectal cancer treatment and a very similar age. I've been receiving immuno & chemotherapy these last 18months, despite being given 6-12m initially.  I don't think your brother is in denial. From my perspective it's a case of dealing with what's in front of you and taking your life from day to day, week to week.  All I can suggest is that I want people to treat me as they normally would. Involve me in the routine day to day activities, where possible, and don't avoid talking about the obvious. I don't seek pity - far from it. Treat me normally - that's all I ask.  Try and spend some time together doing nice stuff. Talk. Be open and take an interest. Enjoy the time you have and create some memories whilst ypu can. That will help when your brother can no longer participate as he once could.

    I think it is harder being family or a carer in these circumstances.  It is difficult to watch but whilst your brother is still himself just make the most of the time- enjoy it for both of you.

    Not sure if this helps. I've just learned that my cancer is progressing but whilst I've still breath in me I want to continue catching up with friends and family - and participate in life until it proves more problematic. I fully intend to enjoy those moments. None of us know what lies ahead. A cancer diagnosis gives you a bit of a heads up so make the most of it.

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