Is she lying about having Stage 2 Breast Cancer

Hi. I find myself in a very tricky situation. I don't wish to speak ill of my sister, however, I'm driving myself insane because there seems to be too many red flags in my sisters diagnoses and treatment story. My gut feeling is that she is lying and I have no idea what to do about it. 

My sister found a lump in her breast following some drastic weight loss after having Gastric Surgery. I took her to a couple of appointments in which she had a Mammogram and even an examination both times the doctors said it was a Limpoma. That it was nothing to worry about. She went back a third time as it was causing her some anxiety and asked to have it removed and they agreed as she suffers with mental health problems.

I took her to the hospital for the surgery which was all very routine especially following covid, now this is when it gets strange. She went down to theatre quite late and she did the procedure while she was awake, she was on the table for maybe 25 minutes. Now, according to her story the doctor told her that the lump looked 'sinister' and was infact cancerous. According to her, he was going to send it off for further tests to establish what stage. This is when she began keeping me st arms length.

She told me that nurses were going to come to her house 3 days after the surgery to discuss treatment options but when I visited after the 'appointment' they never turned up. She tells me, it was meant to be a dressing change and that she was meant to go to them.

2 weeks later she calls me. The doctor had called her and told her in the middle of the street while she was on her own that it was cancer and that he wanted to start her on Chemo tablets (she never told me which ones). That he would first have to get in touch with the Gastric Team as he was unsure how the absorption would work. 2 weeks after that, she calls and tells me she will be on Chemo tablets for 12 weeks Mon-Fri with the weekend off so she could have a drink.

Starting the 12 weeks she would post weekly updates on facebook about how ill she was in reaction to the tablets but I never saw any of the things she talked about. Whenever I seen her (which was quite often as she was also planning to get married during this time and was organising a wedding) what she was saying never matched what I was seeing. Then she started dropping little bits of extra information. She casually mentioned that it was stage 2 and that the doctors took pity on her because she was getting married and that they wanted to rush her treatment.

During this time. People have rallied around her. For her wedding people gave her free services or huge discounts, friends rallied (myself included) to organised and help pull together her wedding or even pay for things that otherwise would have been her responsibility.  I feel absolutely dreadful for thinking this but as soon as she told me it was cancer my gut feeling has been that this is all a lie as nothing before hand had pointed such a drastic diagnoses. 

It goes on, I offered to take her to all her appointments and at no time in the 12 weeks was she given any follow up appointments or blood tests. The told me the doctor had given her the 12 week course of medication which in my mind as a woman who suffers severely with depression is a big red flag...I don't know why a doctor would give a woman who in the past has suffered with suicidal thoughts a drug like that when she is even forced to collect her mental health medications weekly. I have no experience regarding this and I hope and pray that I'm wrong but something doesn't feel right.

Now, coming to the end of her treatment, she tells me I'm to take her for another Mammogram a week before her wedding. She then calls me a few days before hand and says that they don't wish to do a mammogram anymore because of the radiation and that it may react with the chemo which was another red flag to me. She said that instead they were going to go a blood test, I offered to take her to that too. The day of the alleged appointment 2 hours before, she calls me and tells me that she was no longer going because she was meant to fast and she ate. 

A week later at her wedding, I overhear her talking to her neighbour telling him that she was no in remission and was to attend appointments every 6 month. I approached her friend and asked her when it was she found out she was in remission because she never told me. Her friend found out 2-3 days before the wedding and was told not to say anything to me. I am absolutely devastated. I don't know what to believe, i have done my absolute best to support my sister through what I thought was potentially life changing diagnoses.  I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything as she is now on her honeymoon and don't want be the monster that ruined her wedding.

I hope and pray I'm wrong. I hope this is just her way of dealing with this but my gut tells me different. This wouldn't be the first time that she has been caught out in an elaborate lie but I never thought she would stoop so low as to lie about Cancer. I really hope I'm wrong and if I am, I may spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her for even thinking this but I can't ignore the red flags. 

Is it possible she is lying to me? Is there anyway I can find out without tearing my relationship with my sister apart? We lost our mother 11 years ago. I'm the youngest of us both. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I'm gutted.

  • I feel I must clarify, the doctor told her it was sinister and cancerous while she was being stitched up on the table in her 25 minute surgery which is why I'm so suspicious 

  • Hi 20Anonymous23,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. This sounds like a difficult situation and I can of course understand what you are describing and imagine the feelings you have about this, some of which may be conflicting.

    It's of course difficult to advise either way for sure, only to say that I can see why some of these things have made you suspicious. It sounds like you have done a lot to support her so you can at least hopefully have no regrets as far as that is concerned.

    I'm sure this must be putting a lot of uncertainty between you and causing doubts as far as your relationship is concerned, which I'm sure must be tough.

    Hopefully you'll get some more replies to your post soon from other members of the forum if others have thoughts or advice to offer.

    You are also welcome to give our nurses a call if you'd like to talk things through with someone. You can reach them on freephone 0808 800 4040 - Monday-Friday, 9-5.

    I hope that you're able to find a resolution to this before long and that your relationship with your sister can continue.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • My wife had stage 3, grade 3 triple+ BC. She found out during her initial biopsy appointment that hers was "sinister". So, yeah, that part can be true. They can't guarantee it's cancer before the biopsy results are back, but because they deal with this on a near daily basis, most know when things don't look quite right.

    As for her initial misdiagnosis, that too happens. There are stories on here from people telling how they were told it was nothing, and it turned out to be nothing.  So her story regarding both those events are realistic. No red flags there.

    People with breast cancer, that isn't deemed terminal, ALL require surgery. Like proper breast surgery, that is different from having a biopsy taken. That simply doesn't get done on the day of biopsy. So that needs to happen at some point. When that happens, can differ from person to person. Some get it before, some after.

    My wife got chemo via IV, so I'm not in a position to comment on that. But some women do get it via pill treatment. I'm not sure what criteria you have to meet, so I'll not make wild assumptions. I'm also not sure about the radiotherapy thing. I know my wife had to wait a few weeks between her chemo and radiotherapy. 

    The red flags:

    Her op story. No one gets it on the day of their biopsy. Margins are needing to be achieved, and those margins are larger than the area affected with the lump.

    Her staging story. Staging is done via scans, not biopsy. A biopsy is only used for grading and cell type, not staging. It's impossible for a biopsy to tell the treating doctors it's in her lymphs, liver etc.

    "Remission" without a proper op, whether it be a lumpectomy or mastectomy, remission isn't a thing as far as I'm aware. Coupled with further scans results, and the surgeon getting clear margins during the tissue removal of the breast.

    There are probably more red flags, but I'm not really here to demonise your sister, because if she is making all this up, which some people do, she has other serious mental health issues going on. She needs help either way and i wish you both the best of luck.