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I'm 30yo and my husband has stage 4 terminal stomach cancer.

SwimFree93
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Hello

My name is Laura, I'm 30 and my partner was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer in October at the age of 35, and given around a year to live.

We're now 6 months into his treatment and he has gone from having to eat through a nasal feeding tube to being back to eating mostly normally and enjoying life a lot more due to his chemo regime. 

I've received 6 sessions of counselling which helped me immensely while my husband struggled with depression due to not being able to eat. He has accepted his prognosis well and is not afraid to die which has probably helped me to accept the situation as well, although it's obviously still incredibly hard to think about. 

At the moment I'm finding it difficult to appreciate the good times we are having as I'm worried about getting my hopes up and not being able to cope when his health inevitably declined again, but still want to enjoy the time we have now as much as possible. It's a strange situation! 

I came onto this forum as I've been feeling a bit down so thought I might look for some support but I've actually found it quite nice commenting on others posts and offering advice on what has helped me so far on this journey. Not really sure what I'm looking for from posting this but I just thought it might be nice to talk to others in similar situations and if I can get/give any advice then that would be a bonus. 

Laura x

  • Hello Laura

    Welcome to the forum although I'm very sorry to hear about the news that has led you to find us. Undoubtedly there will have been some difficult times since your husband had his diagnosis in October but I'm glad to hear that his treatment is going well and that the two of you have been able to enjoy some good times more recently. 

    It's understandable that you're feeling a little apprehensive and struggling to perhaps enjoy the time you have together. It's really difficult to be in the moment when there is so much else in the background and I would imagine that subconsciously you're maybe trying to protect yourself from the inevitable hurt that will come. As easy as it is for me to say and difficult to do, try not to overthink the good days. If a negative thought creeps in then just acknowledge it for what it is and try to let it go and move forward. 

    I'm really glad that you've found it useful to be able to chat with others on the forum. I think there's often something therapeutic to be gained from sharing our own experiences even when we are in the midst of our own pain. Being able to help others can bring comfort to our own situations. So thank you for the help and support you've been able to share so far. 

    I also wanted to let you know about a charity called Shine Cancer Support. I don't know if you're aware of them but they offer help and support to people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s with cancer. They also have a support arm to help the family and friends of the person with the diagnosis. It's worth having a look at their website if you've not already done so. 

    I'm glad to hear that you've already been able to access some counselling support. Undoubtedly having a safe space to talk about your husband's diagnosis and the situation you now find yourselves in can be an invaluable experience. Don't be afraid to seek further support if you feel you need it. 

    I hope that you continue to have more good times than not. Keep in touch and let us know how you're both doing. 

    Sending you my very best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Hi Jenn, 

    Thank you so much for the kind words. I hadn't seen the shine resource before so thank you for that, I've requested to join the plus one Facebook group. 

    I'll definitely keep in touch, I'm enjoying finding other people in similar situations who I can talk to.

    Laura x

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