My dad's recently been diagnosed and I have a realt bad gut feeling. I had this feeling whilst we waiting the biopsy results and ct scan results. I had a horrible feeling deep down in my tummy that I just couldn't get rid off. Turns out I was right. A tumour that's spread to the 4 lymph nodes surrounding it. His now awaiting a pet scan to see just how much its spread but I honestly feel so sick with worry. His a very manly man, works as a builder 7 days a week, helps care for my mom who's early stages of dementia aswell as my disabled brother who has cerebral palsy. In the whole 32 years of my life I've only ever seen him cry st his mother's funeral he didn't even cry at his dad's enyway how do you all cope witnessing things like this. It breaks me and the uncertainty of living in limbo land does absolutely nothing to help the situation. The hardest part of it all is watching him be so broken by it all and knowing there is nothing I can do to help. 

All I've done the past few days is cry. I won't allow myself to break infront of him as if I'm strong his strong. I'm a daddy's girl through and through and he calls me the apple of his eye. But everytime I think of him I can't help but cry.