Struggling so much to be there for everyone - mum has been told she is terminal

Hello, I am currently 20 years old and in my last year of university.

I have a difficult relationship with my parents,, to the point friends ask why i am in contact with them, my dad passed away from cancer when i was 6 years old and my mum remarried.

My mum has recently been told she is terminal and it is a big struggle on us all. I feel so guilty all the time that I am not crying and upset consistently but I am also trying to finish university and I do not live at home anymore.

I am struggling so much trying to be there for everyone while trying to finish my degree.

Any advice?

Nice to meet you all! :)

  • Hello luluxxx, 

    A very warm welcome to our friendly forum. I can imagine it must be really tough for you at the moment to have to go through this whilst trying to finish your degree. I am sorry to hear that your dad passed away when you were only 6 years old and that your relationship hasn't always been easy with your parents; this is something that can happen at your age when tensions with parents can arise. It must have come as a shock to you to find out that your mum is terminally ill - try not to feel guilty if you can and to put all past tensions behind you. It doesn't mean you have to be there every single day by your mum's side - I am sure that she will understand that you have your studies to focus on and that these are very important for your future but you can show her that you are there and thinking of her in many ways even from afar, even if you can't go and visit her as often as you would like to. I hope that you will hear from other members of our community who have been in a similar position and that they will have some good tips for you based on their own personal experiences. 

    I thought I would also share with you our information for Family, friends and carers which will tell you more about how best to support someone with cancer and I am sure you will find a way to show support and care that will work best for you and your family. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator