Hello tartanlad,

We often get people post about how they struggle when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. It's worth considering that if your best friend came to you with this scenario, what would you say to them? I suspect that you would be kind and supportive, reassuring them that they hadn’t failed them and encouraging them to seek some support. It's easy to do that for other people but not always so easy to do for ourselves. 

It must be such a shock and it’s easy to jump ahead and think that you won’t cope but the important thing is that you are here for her now, you certainly haven’t failed her. There are bound to be moments  where you're overwhelmed and things seem impossible. What support have you got in place? Is there someone that you have been able to talk with about how you're feeling and some of the concerns and worries that you may have? It's great that you've reached out to the Cancer Chat community here and I'd really encourage you to seek some additional support. Talking things through with one of the Marie Curie nurses might be a good place to start. They have a helpline and online chat service. They also have some information on dealing with anticipatory grief which you might find helpful.  We do have some information on our website that you might find helpful about taking care of yourself and if you'd like to talk with one of our nurses for some advice and support you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. 

Undoubtedly this is a difficult time for you both. You're welcome to keep posting here on the forum if it helps to have somewhere to share how you're feeling and we'll do our best to support you. 

All the best,

Moderator Anastasia