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brother with incurable cancer

bruvsupport
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brother has bowel cancer which has spread to liver , had chemo and 3 surgeries to prolong life , cancer progressing shown in bloods but not shown itself in further tumour growth, mentally he is overwhelmed, doesn't want to talk and I feel useless in that area of support , does wish to die at home but scared will end up back in hospital and not get home again , will support in every way I can but I'm close to breaking, any advice ?

  • Hello Bruvsupport

    I'm so very sorry to hear about your brother's diagnosis and the situation you both find yourselves in. Undoubtedly this is a very difficult time for you all and it's understandable that you may be struggling with this news. 

    It's not uncommon for people to not want to talk about their diagnosis. Living with cancer can be all-consuming and overwhelming. Sometimes people simply don't have the energy to have difficult conversations. Sometimes people might not want to talk to their loved ones about their illness as they may not want to add further upset to the situation. Please don't take it personally that, at the moment, your brother doesn't want to talk. 

    In terms of your own health, it's important that you do reach out for some support. You want to be able to help your brother in every way you can but it can be very difficult to do that if you're struggling with things yourself. You can talk with your GP for some advice about support options available in your local area or it may be that there is an organisation such as Maggie's available locally. If it would help to talk with one of our nurses you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm (excluding bank holidays). I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice and support they can. 

    For now, try to take each day as it comes and not look too far into the future as this will leave you both feeling more anxious and worried. I don't know if it's feasible for you and your brother to spend some time together doing things that don't have cancer as a focus. It could be as simple as watching a favourite film or TV programme together. Perhaps the two of you could go out for an hour or two to visit somewhere that brings back memories of happier times. It may help the two of you to just spend time together as brothers enjoying some of the things that you have done previously. 

    I know that this is a very difficult time Bruvsupport so do keep in touch here on the forum if it helps to have a safe space to write down how you're feeling. We're here to listen and will do our best to support you. 

    Sending you both my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Thank you Jenn , just so nice to have contact and talk openly about this awful disease , my brother does not have a partner and leans on me for his support which of course I'll do , cancer took my dad at early age and my mum survived breast cancer and then a massive stroke took her so cancer has our family in its sights as it does a lot of families . My bruv wishes to die at home and I will support this for him , it is day by day as you say and we meet once a week just to maybe eat , chat , watch TV we both enjoy and talk around childhood , work and family and friends. 

    he may have another shot at chemo if well enough so we'll see how April progresses

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