Newly diagnosed, awaiting surgery, worried

Hi I’m Max,

A 55 year old wife and mother of three adult children who are all still living at home. I was recently diagnosed with an aggressive triple negative breast cancer. 

After the initial shock, laced with fear, I then felt such deep sadness for my children and grandchildren. I feared no one would love, accept and support them as much as I do. My daughter is a 20 year old introvert, who since the pandemic suffers with social anxiety and depression, we are “best friends”. I worry that she will have no one without me.

I’ve now adopted a vegan diet and have become tee-total. I have introduced more exercise and am trying to drastically alter my lifestyle, even resigning from my stressful high profile job. I intend to take a year off work and then look at part time roles. I have reached out to friends and family to try to build a support network.

The signs so far are the cancer has been caught early, no signs of spread but there are more tests planned and this leaves the fear that something will be found. Today I woke up with a deep sense of sadness, looking over picture memories on my phone with eyes filled with tears and feeling an overwhelming hurt that this might be the end ….. I want and hope to live!

  • Hello Max and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat, 

    I am sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer - it must have been a bit of a shock for you and it's normal after being diagnosed to worry about our loved ones and children. The strong bond you have with your daughter is a beautiful thing and try not to worry too much if you can or anticipate the worst as it sounds like the cancer has been caught early and there are no signs of spread too so hopefully you can find out more soon about the treatment plan so it can be treated. Waiting for tests is a difficult time as it leaves a lot of room for uncertainty and anxiety to settle in, but I hope that you won't have to wait too long for these additional tests and results. You will no doubt feel better once you get the full picture and the specifics of your diagnosis. I thought I would share with you these helpful tips to help you cope while waiting for important news. 

    Please try not to be sad and keep being strong - those nice memories on your phone are beautiful but this is certainly not the end and I am sure you will create new pictures and memories with your loved ones. This is a tough time for you of uncertainty as you are still trying to figure out all the details of your diagnosis but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and other members of our community will have had a similar diagnosis before. It does help to talk to others who find themselves in a similar place -  posted a couple of months ago on the forum about her triple negative breast cancer  and was diagnosed at a similar age to you - feel free to read her story and don't hesitate to respond if you wish to do so. 

    If you have any questions relating to your diagnosis or would simply like to talk things through with someone, feel free to give our cancer nurses a call on this free number 0808 800 4040 - their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

    I hope you get some clarity soon and more details about your treatment. Keep in touch if you don't mind and let us know how you get on.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • My mother in law had this very cancer 14 years ago , she had a mastectomy, chemo and regular checks.

    She's absolutely fine now xx  

    I hope this gives you some reassurance 

  • Thank you Clastegra, this is reassuring and very good to hear.

    With all the additional scans, MRIs, urology and colonoscopy I think I am becoming more worried about what those results might look like. 

  • It seems so overwhelming for you now, as a family we broke all the scans and.hosporak appointments down into chunks, mentally it worked better that way.  We celebrated every positive news we got.   Take this time day by day, even hour by hour if a day feels too much to cope with.  

    Remember also that most things you read on Google etc is old information.  New treatments are developed all the time.