Hi Millie what a beautiful name, it is scary but if you want to talk to me I'm here, I have stage four cancer brain, breast liver, told today my mamagram showed abnormalities on breast scan, I too am very scared ! I live alone so pray everyday, why don't we try and also talk about our interests, I adore all sorts of animals wish I could rescue them all, I love the summer to hear the birds and see the flowers, I use to love travelling but now stick to short weekends in England so I have something to look forward to. Love god bless 

Thank you for your amazing reply. I seem to have 2 usernames so will need to sort that. I posted in complete panic yesterday.  I realise that I'm coming from a place full of anger, for several reasons, but your beautiful post has at the very least made me realise that this is harming me further.  I live with my husband in an adapted bungalow which we love. I'm not very mobile so my hobbies and interests are the indoor type.  I decided to learn the basics of Acrylic painting a couple of years ago but haven't done anything recently. I like to plant tubs in our small garden and get great pleasure from watching them grow.

Ì am generally speaking an optimist but I think this combination of anger and fear has changed me but I don't like the person I'm becoming and whatever happens next I hope I can deal with in a better frame of mind. Your beautiful reply really made me think about how I can get back to the person I was before all this started.  I am not conventionally religious but I do have a belief and I do pray. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to help me look at this differently while you are going through so much.

Thank you again for your beautiful words.  I was known as Millie at school, a shortened version of my then surname.  I am calmer today, most of the time anyway, and have realised I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to my life. Plans have gone wrong before of course but since I became ill Suddenly last August there's been no time to make plans.  I have accepted that whatever the test results are I will deal with it to the best of my ability without the awful anger I've had.  I love your Gummy Bear idea and I'm sure it will be a much loved gift. We had the gift of a new Granddaughter early in January, born in Hong Kong so it will be some time before I get a cuddle but something precious to aim for.

I can't express how your words and strength have helped. I was in a cycle of anger and worry and couldn't get out of it.  I can't honestly say it's all gone but I've let other thoughts in as well and that's a definite improvement.  You are a very special lady and I feel lucky that you too the time to reply.

Millie you too have helped me o to go on and out of despair changing moods I think it's normal,  you have given me back the joy of helping others I tend to come more healing talking to others my life changed from helping working in GP surgery to being ill in 2017 ,

Subject change how very exciting to welcome a beautiful child granddaughter into the world I've never been to Hong Kong I'm sure it beautiful.  When you get to hold that beautiful baby in your arms e will give you the strength and hope you need a new life is a new beginning for us all.  God bless you

If I can do anything to help, ever, you only have to say. I understand the transition from being useful and helping people at work to suddenly being at home all day with your thoughts.  I worked in a GP surgery for several years then I  became a Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths which I loved.

Helping in any capacity makes us feel useful to society and when I was " let go" from my last job, knowing at my age, without the medical baggage, I was unlikely to get another job I felt so useless 

Oh elled5 thankyou I worked for NHS as HCA for 26years  felt devastated to lose my job my identity I lived in the area since I was ten   had to move near my daughter because of my illness. So what I do six months of the year is help in the foodbank when I'm up to it , having a worrying time at the moment have mamagram and biopsy next week as some came up on my last mamagram I get so frightened I do apologise I hope I don't upset anyone when you like so many are going through it, I feel my life is just one big roller coaster being a child of cancer chemo,ops, plastic surgery,radiotherapy then in-between working for NHS 34yrs in total . I feel my way out is to help that's why I do foodbank I also worked for childline and dogs home Battersea.  I miss being myself, I hope test are good sorry. I wish you all the best love in the world I'm a catholic so pray a lot I will place you in my prayers if that does not offend you, god bless Maggiecarmen

We are never useless yes I you and others get down but useless no, do you have a foodbank near you I find when I go there I'm distracted people are nice to work with plus I have a laugh for them couple of hours I'm in a work environment team again helping others, let me know how you get on if you find something outside like foodbank to do  love always Maggiecarmen

Nothing will offend me, we all have our own beliefs and self support methods and I would defend anyone's right to that.  Having a Chinese daughter in law made me curious and I discovered Kuan Yin who has a fascinating story and she is the one I "talk" to and ask for help.  I am happy to be in anyone's prayers and grateful for the kindness when you are going through so much.  I'm trying to stop the bad feelings I have about the surgeon who did my Hysterectomy and left part of an ovary because it was difficult to remove. Knowing my history with endometriosis that decision made the big operation I've just had almost inevitable and I'd love to ask him face to face why he did that. I have to wait until a MDT meeting is held to discuss my case before I get the results so about 10 days still although I'm sure they are at the hospital now. 

I think your volunteering is incredible at this time  I've always ended up on committees, doing lunch and bingo for the elderly, that kind of thing but not fit enough now. It's lovely to get to know you and though unconditional I do pray so with your permission I would like to add you to my nightly "chat" as it's become.

Take good care