After being given the all clear a year ago, after three years of monitoring, after a small but nasty polyp had been removed from my colon, I was sideswiped by a positive diagnosis on 25th January. An inflamed lymph node had gradually been causing discomfort and ultimately it blocked my left kidney. I had a stent fitted three weeks ago. Alongside this tests and scans revealed more lesions. I've now entered into a process which has been the most profoundly terrifying and isolating experience. I am 65, have led a healthy life, never smoked, vegetarian etc. etc. Waiting for the next thing to happen is so tough and weekends are the worst. My chemo treatment was due to start today but on Friday I learnt that if I wait another 2 weeks then radiology will see if they can do a biopsy to determine if immunotherapy is an option. Meanwhile I've had a kidney infection, suffer from the torture of dark racing thoughts along with a deep sense of hopelessness. It's been a struggle. I know there are so many others out there too feeling this. After always being a person who wants to know all the details of everything, this time I find I am too terrified to ask the questions. My best case scenario is "disease control". The sense of hopelessness is getting the better of me. Can anyone say how or if emotional states change and settle once treatment begins? Is this typical?