Hi Llubl1972

I am very sorry to hear of your diagnosis, this must be a very difficult time for you all. I don't normal post or respond to posts on this forum, but i felt in this case i could offer some advice as my situation is very similar to your husbands. My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at Christmas 3 years ago although not clear cell. we also have 2 children a girl aged 12 & boy aged 15 at the time of diagnosis, so not to dissimilar to your situation. My wife underwent surgery and chemotherapy and had a year cancer free before it regrettably returned, but further surgery and chemo has meant although now incurable she has been cancer free for the past year and her condition is being managed well with her maintenance drug Niraparib and she is doing very well and has been back working full time for about 6 months. 

Although my wife is currently in a good place it has not been without its ups and downs to get to this point. I am sure you are already finding your treatment hard mentally and physically and your husband and son are doing their utmost to support you through this. Although it must be extremely difficult for you, you are right to worry about your husband and son, it is unbelievably hard to watch someone you love go through this. My wife often feels guilty for what she says she is putting the family through, it's a natural feeling to have. I personally have found caring for my wife and children and trying to work exhausting mentally and physically (i am a hands on Dad so the child care is not an added task), i am only just finding my feet again since my wife's last diagnosis a year and a half ago. For much of the past 2/3 years i have felt like a single parent whilst caring for my wife and its not easy, and shouldn't be overlooked. Our children have also suffered being at a difficult age with GCSEs and A levels etc as well as watching their mum go through treatment.

I am sure you have a very strong support network with family and friends as well as your medical support, but your husband and son will need support also. I would strongly suggest you, with your husband contact many of the support organisation that are out there such as Maggie's or even your local hospice (they offer great support, its not just about end of life). As good as talking to family and friends is these organisations give you the opportunity to open up and let out feelings your husband may not want to share with people closer to him, it has helped me beyond belief. They also offer help to children and i would say its very important for your son as he, if like mine doesn't want to talk and doesn't appear to give much away emotionally. You should also contact his school their pastoral care team should have something in place for this very situation and should be able to offer additional support. Our local hospice has links with many of our local schools and are able to speak to children within school, something my daughter has found very useful. My son has been more reluctant to engage with support but is now starting too. You may also find the additional support useful, as my wife has.

My final advise is call all and every organisation that offers support, many take time to get you in their system so accept support from everyone that offers. They won't all be right for your family but by using the splatter gun affect some with stick and it will help. Above all speak to your sons school, he won't be the only child who's parent is going through this so there will be support on offer even if its through a third party organisation.

I am sorry i didn't mean to write so much, but i hope you find it useful.

I wish you well with your treatment in the new year.

Patrick

Hi Llubl1972

I am very sorry to hear of your diagnosis, this must be a very difficult time for you all. I don't normal post or respond to posts on this forum, but i felt in this case i could offer some advice as my situation is very similar to your husbands. My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at Christmas 3 years ago although not clear cell. we also have 2 children a girl aged 12 & boy aged 15 at the time of diagnosis, so not to dissimilar to your situation. My wife underwent surgery and chemotherapy and had a year cancer free before it regrettably returned, but further surgery and chemo has meant although now incurable she has been cancer free for the past year and her condition is being managed well with her maintenance drug Niraparib and she is doing very well and has been back working full time for about 6 months. 

Although my wife is currently in a good place it has not been without its ups and downs to get to this point. I am sure you are already finding your treatment hard mentally and physically and your husband and son are doing their utmost to support you through this. Although it must be extremely difficult for you, you are right to worry about your husband and son, it is unbelievably hard to watch someone you love go through this. My wife often feels guilty for what she says she is putting the family through, it's a natural feeling to have. I personally have found caring for my wife and children and trying to work exhausting mentally and physically (i am a hands on Dad so the child care is not an added task), i am only just finding my feet again since my wife's last diagnosis a year and a half ago. For much of the past 2/3 years i have felt like a single parent whilst caring for my wife and its not easy, and shouldn't be overlooked. Our children have also suffered being at a difficult age with GCSEs and A levels etc as well as watching their mum go through treatment.

I am sure you have a very strong support network with family and friends as well as your medical support, but your husband and son will need support also. I would strongly suggest you, with your husband contact many of the support organisation that are out there such as Maggie's or even your local hospice (they offer great support, its not just about end of life). As good as talking to family and friends is these organisations give you the opportunity to open up and let out feelings your husband may not want to share with people closer to him, it has helped me beyond belief. They also offer help to children and i would say its very important for your son as he, if like mine doesn't want to talk and doesn't appear to give much away emotionally. You should also contact his school their pastoral care team should have something in place for this very situation and should be able to offer additional support. Our local hospice has links with many of our local schools and are able to speak to children within school, something my daughter has found very useful. My son has been more reluctant to engage with support but is now starting too. You may also find the additional support useful, as my wife has.

My final advise is call all and every organisation that offers support, many take time to get you in their system so accept support from everyone that offers. They won't all be right for your family but by using the splatter gun affect some with stick and it will help. Above all speak to your sons school, he won't be the only child who's parent is going through this so there will be support on offer even if its through a third party organisation.

I am sorry i didn't mean to write so much, but i hope you find it useful.

I wish you well with your treatment in the new year.

Patrick