Changeable Outlook

I joined this site yesterday which was the day I realised an old big mole on my back had a scab in the middle of it, I managed to get to see a GP yesterday too. 

As I have experienced some other symptoms such as swollen glands in throat, fatigue and sore tired legs in the last couple of weeks I was extremely worried while I waited for GP to call me back as all those symptoms were unlike me and when I saw online it’s a sign of advanced melanoma I panicked and wondered if this was why. 

I cried quite a lot when I was waiting for GP phone call, I don’t mind admitting as I feel it’s much better out than in as it’s all emotion that will have to be let go of at some point and prefer not to bottle it up if I can. After speaking to GP on the phone I felt much better - at least I have an appointment to see them that same day and although she was a bit short with me interrupting me saying how do you know it’s skin cancer, you do not know! I was grateful all the same for the quick appointment.

When I got to the GP surgery in the waiting room I had some tears come and I felt absolutely terrified, I felt like I might pass out or faint as the thought of having something that will take my life if left untreated and that there was potential it may be too late already I felt like so helpless. I couldn’t think nor do anything about it, I felt like I was just a beating heart I was numb with everything except this mixture of helplessness and disbelief. 

The GP/nurse said it looks fine nothing to worry about and seemed like she was going to leave it there. I was shocked as even 10 years ago, when it was first noticed and didn’t have a scab just a big irregular border mole, the GP had a good look and said it’s one to keep an eye on, however this lady said it’s nothing like a melanoma, it’s a definite NO from her and showed me some pictures on Google of the dark lumpy ones saying ‘this is what a melanoma looks like’.

Mine has always been flat and fairly pale as the border is irregular and has more than one ring which fades on its way out and is at least 7mm. I had seen on Google earlier that day there are more than just the dark lumpy ones she was showing me and also as my Dad had skin cancer about 10 years ago, he had a nurse/GP tell him a similar thing that she doesn’t think it is and she told him to leave it while he goes away on business trip in a few days for 10 days and if it’s still bothering him when he gets back give them another call! It was me that set my early morning alarm to make sure I got him an appointment as soon as he got back. His GP then said she’d refer him to a dermatologist as it’s still there and agreed it ‘may’ have got bigger. Luckily as he had private healthcare he got in quickly and also the day he first saw the dermatologist, the dermatologist said although they didn’t have a space in the operating theatre they would make a space for that same day to have the cancer taken out totally not just for biopsy as it was clearly cancer and very aggresssive (squamous cell) and although it would cause a delay for one or two others as it was only a local anaesthetic 20 minute job it was ok.

me and my Dad have the same skin type which is Caucasian but tans that well that in the summer many people think we look like we’re more likely to be southern European. I do burn a bit more than him but I also wear sun cream a lot. 

Anyway when I explained some stuff to her and what I’ve experienced she took some pictures with my phone and filled out the form to send to dermatologists and read it out to me as she wrote it and it all sounded well documented and true. As I didn’t have a pod signal on my phone I had to wait till after I’d left to text her the picture and I have fingers crossed she sent it straight away as it was a Friday evenin. She said she’d book me in for a blood test which I have for next week. 

Today I feel much better in terms of optimism it’s not on my mind as much, even if it is cancer. Although when I looked at picture on my phone of it again it did panic me again and I realised I might be really ill and not know it not be able to know it for some time. I’m eating healthy making juices rather than heading for the comfort food that appeals. 

I’d love to hear if other people have had similar or any other experience and I hope you’re all healing in whatever ways you can. Spiritually, emotionally and physically if possible. 

Thank you 

  • Hi ashur,

    I can see you've recently received a reply from Mod Lucie to your earlier post on the forum - it's good to hear that you've now had an appointment to investigate this. Hopefully you won't have too much longer to wait to get any answers following these investigations.

    It sounds like you're doing all the right things - I understand the uncertainty can be difficult, but hopefully you'll be able to get some peace of mind soon.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Cancer Chat Moderator