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First time posting and looking for help.

gilly79
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Hi Everyone, my husband (45yrs) just found on Thursday that he has Kidney Cancer.  He is waiting on an appointment for another Scan to check the chest area to see if it is contained to just the Kidney or if it has spread.  The consultant said that depending on the results of this and if it is contained the plan would then be to operate and remove the Kidney but we are due to sit down and speak with her in about 3 weeks once she has results of chest scan - this feels like an eternity away.  I am on here because for the last few days I have been going crazy.  I'm trying to be strong for my husband so I basically just cry when I'm on my own.  We haven't told anyone as he wants to know the full picture before telling family / friends.  We have 2 young kids (11 yrs & 12 yrs old) and I'm terrified. I don't know what to do.  I hate doing nothing.  I'm just wondering if anyone can offer any advice?  Thank you.

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    Hi Gilly,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    This is always the worst part of any cancer journey - the unknown is a scary place to be. Even though this is not the news that either of you want, it becomes easier to cope with once you know exactly what you are dealing with. I hope that he gets his chest scan soon and that it hasn't spread. I know that it's hard not to do, but stay away from google and don't look too far ahead for now. Just take things one day at a time, or even hour by hour if need be. Keeping busy helps the time to pass, whether this is with a pastime or work. It is often more difficult for family to deal with a loved one's cancer diagnosis, than it is for the person who has it. Write down any questions you both have, for when you see the consultant. I always bring 2 copies of my questions to all appointments. While I ask the questions, my hubby writes down the answers, as we only remember a small amount of any conversation, especially, if we are not conversant with all of the medical terminology.

    Let yourself have a good cry now and then, as this is a good stress reliever. There is a lot of pressure on your shoulders, when you haven't told anyone yet.  It does help to talk, even if only between yourselves - make sure to keep those communication channels open.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how your husband gets on with his scan. We are always here for both of you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thanks Jolamine, your message means a lot & has helped.  Also, thanks for the advice on the questions & having two copies. I’m definitely going to do this as will most likely not take everything in at the time. I’m really going to try and stay positive, I just still can’t believe this is happening.  Will keep in touch. Thank you again x 

  • Offline in reply to gilly79

    Hi Gilly,

    I read the statistics a few years ago and cannot remember the exact figure. I think that it's about 80% that we forget about any consultation, before we reach the hospital gates. I know that it's not always possible, but a positive outlook is a great help when going through this.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hi Jolamine,

    hope you’re good. I just wanted to let you know that your messages above meant so much to me and were a huge help as well as a comfort.  

    We have since got results of second scan and thankfully the cancer appeared to be contained to his Kidney. He just had surgery a couple of days ago to remove the full Kidney and the mass and he Is doing well.

    The consultant mentioned he may need immunotherapy but we will discuss all that once he has recovered from the surgery.  

    You were right, it is better once you know what your dealing with, the waiting is horrific. Although it’s not all over by any means I am being positive and am so grateful that he has had the surgery quickly and is doing ok. 

    thank you again  x ️

  • Offline in reply to gilly79

    Hi Gilly,

    I am so glad to hear that the scan showed that the cancer was contained to the kidney and that your husband has already had surgery. He may well need immunotherapy later on, but this sounds a lot better than it could have been.  Has he broken the news to family yet? This is always a big hurdle, but it will help you both to be able to talk about it to other people.

    The waiting period is always the worst part of anyone's cancer journey, so I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a bit more positive now. I sincerely hope that your husband makes a good recovery. Please remember that we are always here for both of you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to gilly79

    That is really good news.

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thank you.  Yes we’ve told family and close friends now too which is another weight off our shoulders. I still find it difficult to talk about without getting emotional but it’s getting easier.  At this moment in time I feel like I can kind of catch my breath if that makes sense. I think the consultant will be in touch once they’ve done the pathology on the ‘mass’ and then we talk about next steps / treatment needed etc but I’m trying not to think of that just now. One step at a time! X

    ps I hope you’re good.

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