First time posting and looking for help.

Hi Everyone, my husband (45yrs) just found on Thursday that he has Kidney Cancer.  He is waiting on an appointment for another Scan to check the chest area to see if it is contained to just the Kidney or if it has spread.  The consultant said that depending on the results of this and if it is contained the plan would then be to operate and remove the Kidney but we are due to sit down and speak with her in about 3 weeks once she has results of chest scan - this feels like an eternity away.  I am on here because for the last few days I have been going crazy.  I'm trying to be strong for my husband so I basically just cry when I'm on my own.  We haven't told anyone as he wants to know the full picture before telling family / friends.  We have 2 young kids (11 yrs & 12 yrs old) and I'm terrified. I don't know what to do.  I hate doing nothing.  I'm just wondering if anyone can offer any advice?  Thank you.

  • Hi Gilly,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    This is always the worst part of any cancer journey - the unknown is a scary place to be. Even though this is not the news that either of you want, it becomes easier to cope with once you know exactly what you are dealing with. I hope that he gets his chest scan soon and that it hasn't spread. I know that it's hard not to do, but stay away from google and don't look too far ahead for now. Just take things one day at a time, or even hour by hour if need be. Keeping busy helps the time to pass, whether this is with a pastime or work. It is often more difficult for family to deal with a loved one's cancer diagnosis, than it is for the person who has it. Write down any questions you both have, for when you see the consultant. I always bring 2 copies of my questions to all appointments. While I ask the questions, my hubby writes down the answers, as we only remember a small amount of any conversation, especially, if we are not conversant with all of the medical terminology.

    Let yourself have a good cry now and then, as this is a good stress reliever. There is a lot of pressure on your shoulders, when you haven't told anyone yet.  It does help to talk, even if only between yourselves - make sure to keep those communication channels open.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how your husband gets on with his scan. We are always here for both of you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Thanks Jolamine, your message means a lot & has helped.  Also, thanks for the advice on the questions & having two copies. I’m definitely going to do this as will most likely not take everything in at the time. I’m really going to try and stay positive, I just still can’t believe this is happening.  Will keep in touch. Thank you again x 

  • Hi Gilly,

    I read the statistics a few years ago and cannot remember the exact figure. I think that it's about 80% that we forget about any consultation, before we reach the hospital gates. I know that it's not always possible, but a positive outlook is a great help when going through this.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx