Breast cancer bad day

Hi everyone, I’m about 8 weeks after diagnosis for invasive ducal carcinoma, I’ve had single mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and then last Wednesday another op to have lymph nodes removed. I’ve now been told that it will be about two weeks to find out results on if I need chemotherapy. Today I’m having a really bad day, so far I’ve been able to hold it together but today everything has got on top of me. I have been loaded with so much information all at once that seems to keep changing with different people, I just can’t keep up. All I now want to do is scream at the top of my voice and then roll into a ball and cry. I feel like I’m in total meltdown. It’s all been too much to take in, in the last few weeks. I go to bed worrying about what will happen and wake up worrying about what will happen. Friends and family think they’re helping by talking about what they’re doing and showing holiday pics and trying to make everything normal but it just makes me feel more depressed knowing I can’t do any of these things, which in turn makes me feel bad as they’re just trying to help. I have elderly parents 87 and 88 who I’m also trying to put a brave face on for and I just don’t think I can do it any more. Is there anyone else who feels similar or can offer any advice to get over these negative feelings before I end up smashing things in my home. Thanks in advance.

  • Aww , so sad to read your post , and sorry you’re feeling so low at the moment . You’ve been through so much already so take a breath and see how well you’ve done so far . I describe having b/c as a massive roller coaster ride ! You’ve had a life changing diagnosis , Major surgery , change of body image etc etc!!! No wonder you are feeling like this , it’s perfectly natural . I hope that you can have a good cry ! Consider giving any of the charities nurses a call or Maggie’s . Sending a big hug ! Xx

  • Thank you for replying, Since this began I’ve been in a kind if survival mode of just get through this part and then just get through the next part and it’s hasn’t really sunk in yet. I think I just need a good cry to get it all out of my system. Anyway hope you’re ok thanks again and big hugs back xxx

  • Hi Sassylass,

    Unfortunately, you are by no means the only one to feel like this. I know that it won't be of any consolation, but most of us feel like this when we're waiting for results. Don't worry about crying. A good cry is a great way to relieve stress. Your friends and family are trying their best - unless you've experienced this first hand, it is hard to know how to respond. Do you have someone other than your parents, who you can confide in and talk to? It really does help to be able to do this. It can also be helpful to talk to a counsellor about how you feel. Macmillan and other charities offer this service. There are also various charities, such as Maggies, who offer counselling and a number of other free services to help improve your mood, or simply to go and have a chat over a cuppa.

    Don't look too far into the future just now. Take things one day at a time, or even one hour at at a time if need be. A two week wait for a biopsy result is usually pretty normal, although I can understand that this is another wait for you. Try to remind yourself that no amount of worry will change anything. I was in a terrible way when I was first diagnosed. I've now had 2 bouts of breast cancer. That was all 14 years ago and I still lead a busy and fulfilling life - I'm sure that you will too.

    One other thing while you wait, try to keep busy, whether with work or pastimes. This helps the time to pass a little quicker.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • How are you feeling today? Xx

  • Sassy 

    I like you had 2 operations 2 nd one bring all lymph nodes removed in left arm at that point I had a wobbler too that was a year ago I’m here to chat anytime love Lara xx 

  • Thank you for your reply, it is very much appreciated and I’m glad you are well again now, hearing this does give me hope that others do get through it. I have felt a little more positive today, I suppose it will be up’s and down’s for a good while. It’s just really hit me at the moment. I do have a great friend who is coming around to see me and you’re right a good talk definitely can brighten the mood. I will keep in touch and let you know how it all goes, hopefully with good news and again thankyou.

  • Thank you Laraj I hope it all worked out for you. I have been overwhelmed with the kindness everyone has shown me on here and will keep in touch with everyone xx

  • Much better today thank you. Some good company has really lifted my mood xxx

  • Hi Sassylass,

    I am glad to hear that you have a friend who you can bare your soul to - we all need someone. You might also find it helpful to speak to a counsellor. This is something that I was most reluctant to do, but when my daughter finally persuaded me to do it, I found that it was very helpful. Are you planning on keeping this a secret from your parents forever? If not, you are probably better telling them once you get your results. It's better that they hear this news from you, rather than in a chance conversation with someone else.

    You will find that the more positive you can appear about the outcome, the better they will take it.

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little more positive today - there will be ups and downs. This disease is like a giant rollercoaster and we just have to go with it. Take things one day at a time, or even hour by hour if need be.

    We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx