Hi Lexe, how incredibly sad to read your post . I’m so sorry you are suffering in this way . To lose both your mum and your Nan is heartbreaking. I can understand why your mum kept it from you . I don’t know how old you are and don’t want to patronise you but when you have children you would do anything you can to protect and shield your children from any harm or anguish , so I think she was trying to protect you so please don’t feel guilty. I would suggest if I may to firstly go to your Gp and explain how you feel . Do you have any family members you can talk to? You could also ring Maggie’s , and ask to speak to someone . Maggie’s is a cancer charity for people who have cancer or have family members with cancer or who have had cancer . You can google them and find your nearest one . I really hope you get some help to make sense of what you are feeling. It’s very early days for you after losing your mum and then the added heartbreak of losing your man as well . There is also a bereavement charity called Cruise that you can contact. Sending you a hug x

Lexe, I am sorry and as LCR says your mum was just trying to protect you.  A charity you could contact is Cruse Bereavement Support, you will find all their details online. I am sure they will try and help you. 

To LCR

Thank you for your response. 

I'm in my early 40s. I can't talk to any of my remaining family members as I'm worried about upsetting them.

I've been in contact with my G.P and been prescribed Citalopram.

I tried contacting Cruse bereavement and was told they weren't accepting anyone at present.

I feel so heartbroken and alone. It feels like I will never get over this. I'm not me anymore.

Thank you for your suggestion about Maggie's, I will try them. 

Thank you for your message x

Thank you Nettietoo for your message.

I just feel heartbroken and alone.

A big thank you LCR.

This is the first time I've been able to talk about all this x

You’re welcome , there is always someone on here if you need a chat or to let off steam x 

Thank you. I just feel a burden and don't want to be disturbing anyone x

You are not a burden at all , we’re all here to help each other if we can x

I've been told that I'm being selfish for grieving, that I would forget and move on after my mum's funeral. I don't know what to do anymore x