Hi Mopps,

A Very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of all that you have been through with your big toe. A cancer diagnosis of any kind can knock us for 6, never mind the side-effects of treatment. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer, which was first diagnosed 14 years ago. I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer a few years before this, so, as you can imagine, I was terrified. I had a lumpectomy first time around and then a double mastectomy. I had already had a major operation for my gallbladder, which left me cut from breast to groin. I had problems with my joints, as a result of treatment and had to have both knees replaced. I then developed cataracts and had both of them operated on. I developed complications as a result and lost my sight for a year. I have now had 6 operations on my eyes, and feel extremely fortunate that the surgeons were eventually able to restore my sight. I then had to have a mole removed from my face and another from my lower leg.

All these operations left me looking like a patchwork quilt and my confidence was at rock bottom. I reluctantly went to see a counsellor and she really helped me to take a long hard look at myself and made me realise how fortunate I am to have come through so much. All of us worry about cancer returning or spreading. I found a lump in my other breast 6 months after my first diagnosis and one in my original breast a  further 6 months on. This left me terrified of further recurrences and became an all consuming worry. I eventually took myself in check, took a long hard look at what I wanted from life and decided to change my outlook - not as easy as it sounds! I came to the conclusion that life is for living - it is too short to let it be overshadowed by fear. I am not the same person as I was pre-cancer. I don't think that any of us ever are. I am eternally grateful to those health care professionals, who have got me here and I live my life to the best of my ability. Instead of worrying about my appearance, I now look on my scars as battle scars. They are signs of what I've come through and I wear them with pride. My cancer journey has made me a stronger person, more aware of other people's suffering and it has made me much more appreciative of everything that I see about me.

It sounds as if you might benefit from seeing a counsellor too. The other thing I would suggest, is attending some of the moving forward meetings for cancer patients. There are a number of cancer charities throughout the country which offer these services. I found that it helped me to see how others coped with their diagnosis and I ended up dwelling more on their problems than my own.

You will naturally be worrying about the mole on your back, but the sooner you see about this, the sooner your worry will be behind you. I sincerely hope that nothing untoward is found. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Sorry, it should say Jolamine, not Joanne!