My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in December 2022 and after further CT scans resulted it had spread to her brain, adrenal gland and spleen and she was given 3 months to live. We was given this news on 9 December 2022 and I must say it worst meeting I ever attended. 

A smoker for over 40 years my mum always said she would never have chemotherapy as she went through many years of caring for her parents with cancer so I knew I was faced with the biggest challenge of my life.

As her only child and divorced from my father I knew my life would soon change but she is my mum and I would do anything for her. Fortunately for her she has private medical insurance so getting her seen was really quick as I was persistent and she commenced chemotherapy in January 2023 in London.  Her insurance company AXA PPP were notified of each stage of the process but still caused a huge amount of stress on us which I will share at a later date.

My mother moved into live with us and I took her into London for her planned treatment which occurred between January and March. She was so against having chemotherapy that I wondered how I would get through it as she is probably the most negative person you could meet. To cut a long story short after chemotherapy ended late February she had a CT scan and it showed that her tumours had reduced by 50% and she was then to undergo immunotherapy at home which she underwent approx 4 cycles every 3 weeks. My mum struggled to cope mentally with the side effects of her treatments, she felt tired and had an upset stomach from her treatment and she wanted to quit on life.

As her mobility and breathing had significantly improved we met with her oncologist and he agreed to pause her immunotherapy treatment for a week so I could take her to Spain for 5 days for a surprise get together with her friends which she thoroughly enjoyed and spending time with her was priceless. 

Before we departed to Spain her oncologist advised that he wanted her to consider targeted radiotherapy to shrink the tumours / attack then but she simply refused and shut him down so we agreed to pick this up on her return. She was full of life in Spain and you would not have thought she had cancer and I lost count on the times I asked her to rest. Before we left Spain she said that she would have radiotherapy for me which I reminded her that she needs to do this for herself for quality of life.

When we returned from Spain she caught a chest infection which lasted a couple of weeks and then she decided to inform me that she would not continue with any further treatment as she has had enough and did not want to feel drained all the time. Obviously we have argued over this and I have spend 2 months persuading her along with family members, but where she had felt good in Spain from the break of her treatment it has enabled her think and change her mind. I find this extremely challenging especially when I have spent 7 months of my life fighting for her and now she couldn’t care less about anything. 

I even organised moving her into an apartment so she could be with a community of other people rather than look a four walls each day and taking her round IKEA to select whatever furniture she wanted was like dragging a child around a store, so I took charge and selected items for the apartment and interior designed it without her input which she loves and is now happy that she has moved for her own independence which was challenging to say the least.

However 5 days into being in her new apartment she is experiencing seizures in her left arm and left leg which she believes is down to not continuing with her treatment. Obviously she is scared and so am I but she continues to stress that she will not have radiotherapy and whatever will be will be. I can’t tell you how many times I have woken up and had the same conversation with her everyday. So tomorrow I have booked her to have an MRI so her oncologist can confirm if the tumours have increased in size.

Seven months on and she is still alive but she is constantly fighting against me and I don’t know how much more I can take of this.

Friends keep telling me to call MacMillan which I did in the early stages as a shoulder to cry on but I have found them useless in supporting me with convincing my mother to continue on her treatment.

All I get is people telling her what she wants to hear which is if you don’t want treatment it is your choice which obviously she craves to hear as it feeds her negative mindset.

She is 73 years of age has 3 grandchildren to see grow up, she has too many friends and wants to quit on life when all her treatment had showed positive results to prolong her life I just don’t get it.