Hi Inchhigh,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of all that you've been through recently, Unfortunately, cancer can have a dramatic effect on our emotional state and cause us to say some very selfish and hurtful things to family and friends, albeit unintentionally. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a counsellor, who is used to dealing with cancer matters, than it is to a loved one. If your husband doesn't want to see someone, it sounds as if you would benefit from some help in how to manage his verbal abuse. 

I don't know whereabouts in the country you live, but many cancer charities offer this service for cancer patients and their families. Perhaps he might be more receptive to using these services once he sees you benefitting from them. Some of these centres also offer the opportunity for a cuppa and a chat with other people who have cancer. They also offer the advice of a psychologist and nurse and some even offer seated yoga or relaxing alternative therapies. They can also help with benefits advice. Do you for instance, have a Maggie's Centre near you? They are dotted all around the country and you will find the one nearest to you on line. There are also a number of other local charities that may offer these services. Ask your husband's care team, or your GP, or practice nurse.

I sincerely hope that you can both get back on track now that he is in remission. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

We don't have any centre near us he was offered counselling but it was online and he dii 1 session  because he said he needed to talk to someone not do a online course on how to deal with situations and feelings so he didn't do anymore.

I am tempted to ring his car team at the hospital and tell them what he is like but they are extremely busy people people and if he found out he would probably not be happy with me

Thanks for reading my issues

Regards

It would be worth asking his care team, or his medical practice for advice on what supportive cancer services there are in your area.  Many of the face to face services went virtual when Covid hit, but most are now up and running again. You could also ask the moderators on this site, who are very helpful. Failing all else, his GP should be able to refer him elsewhere for counselling in person. If he is depressed, which many of us are, has his GP prescribed something to help him overcome this?

Kind rergards,

Jolamine xx