You are not alone, shutting others out or wanting to is normal. Since mums diagnosis I am so angry with everyone when they ask how she is. I’ve become overprotective and worry people are asking just so they have something to gossip and talk about when they next meet up with friends. I’m trying very hard to deal with this and have gone to the doctors. I just wanted you to say you are not alone. Your feelings are validated and there’s no rights or wrongs with this. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and send positivity your way. Keep your head up and relish the here and now xx

Thank you so much for your message. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, my thoughts are with you. I do exactly the same, worry about people gossiping and I have become very overprotective. I have been to the doctors to and am now on a very low level antidepressant called Citalopram, it will take a few weeks to start working so will see how I go. It really is all about living in the here and now isn't it. I keep trying to control things and all of this can't be controlled. I hope the doctor can help you and send you big hugs xx

Hello Teege so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Cancer is scary and hearing the diagnosis is very very hard. Thank you for your kind words. I'm really trying to help my husband but sometimes we just don't have the words for all of this. Sorry to hear about your meltdown, the emotions seems to come in waves don't they. You think you are coping as well as you can then something knocks you totally off balance. Thank you for saying a prayer for us, I will say one for you both too. I actually went to church for the first time in years last Sunday and found it a huge comfort. I went on my own, just for an hour but felt calmness come over me the minute I stepped inside. Its hard to have faith amongst all of this. But its helping me to try. Your wife sounds like an amazing lady, I'm so glad you have her. I hope you are feeling a little better today.

Hello Leafy, thank you for your reply and kind words.I do feel a lot better today, there were a few tears yesterday, but as usual my wife got me through it. You are so right when you say the emotions come in waves. On a good day it would be hard pressed to even think I had been diagnosed, but then like you say it might be the slightest little thing that sets the emotions off again. Glad to hear you found some comfort in going to Church, I haven't been but still pray for some kind of comfort.

Hope you and your husband find comfort, stay strong and positive.

Hello Teege so glad you feel a lot better today. The waves of all this are exhausting aren't they. On a good day I sometimes forget all this for a minute or two then it hits me let a brick wall when I remember. Just have to hear a sad song sometimes and I'm tearful. Its good to pray, I feel its a great comfort whether you pray in Church or at home.

I hope you and your wife can have a good evening. Sounds like you are both doing all you can to be strong and positive too. 

Hello Leafy, lovely to hear from you again.Hope you and your husband have had a better day. Its been just over a year since my diagnosis and nearly a year post surgery but in that short amount of time I didn't think it was possible to experience the range of emotions that you go through when you either have cancer or are caring for somebody with it. I remember the day they told me I had Pancreatic cancer I just literally imploded, all I could think of was I will be dead in 3 weeks, started making plans for my funeral. They sent me for a MRI scan the day after, and I remember thinking it will show that I am full of cancer.Luckilly it showed it had not spread, and at that point I saw the remotest *** of light. A year on I have become a philosophiser, ( I THINK WE ALL DO) I cry at the drop of a hat at literally anything, then some days I act as if nothing has ever happened. The worst thing is now is that I suspect every little ache and pain as being a recurrence of Cancer. It has changed my life in ways that you could not begin to imagine, and I suspect that unfortunately that is the case with you. However, on a positive note joining this chat has helped me enormously even after only 2 days. You have given me hope and strength by just talking to me, so I am eternally grateful to you for that.

I do hope things will improve for you and your husband. Stay strong and positive.

Hello Teege we have had a better day thank you. I hope you are your wife are having a better day too. I feel exactly the same, hearing that my husband had cancer 4 years ago was devastating. I panicked and we both started making plans too. Wills, Power of Attorney that sort of thing. I know it sounds morbid but getting those things in order did help in that it gave us a little bit of control. I didn't realise that it takes 4 to 5 months to register a power of attorney. I'm so glad to hear your cancer hasn't spread that's such good news. I echo what you say about crying at the drop of a hat one minute then feeling almost totally numb the next. As you say think we all become philosophers. We have our little quotes that help us get by and reach some level of acceptance - easier some days than others.

We suspect every ache and pain too. Everyday (well nearly) we receive the infamous white envelope with NHS on it for another appointment. I dread receiving them but am grateful when we do receive them as we are being looked after. I so glad this is all helping. Everyone on here is in a similar boat and it helps to know we are not alone.

I managed to go out for a few hours this morning - just helping a friend with their garden. It made a world of difference to me mentally. Just allowing yourself a few hours not to think of medical things is a real tonic. It gives you strength. stay strong and be kind and gentle to yourselves.

Hello Leafy, so glad to hear you and your Husband have had a better day, and the you managed to have some quality me time. Today was positive for me and the wife too.Bought some plants for the garden( I love gardening ) and spent most of the day relaxing and soaking up the sun. But even on a positive day, the least little thing can bring the reality of cancer home. Whilst buying plants I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was a bit taken a back to see how I looked. Prior to my surgery I was 17st, very fit and strong, after the surgery I lost 3 st literally overnight and looked very emaciated, Year on I have managed to start going back to the gym and being active in the garden and I am now 15 and a half st  at 5 9' but my self perception still sees a very thin ill looking man, also I have been experiencing some back ache for the last couple of weeks, which on a couple of occasions has disrupted my sleep. However, instead of thinking logical, and excepting that it only started when I was able to up my physical activity, and that more than likely its muscular, I am convincing myself that the cancer has returned.

However, my wife remains very supportive and positive and is absolutely convinced that it is nothing sinister.

Wishing you and your husband strength, positivity and love, stay safe and take care,

Teegee.

Hi its great you have had a more positive day. Gardening is a real tonic. Just getting in the zone with a hobby gives the mind a rest form all things medical. I think that its more than natural to think that way about aches and pains but as your wife says sure its nothing sinister at all. Your wife sounds like a lovely lady - strong and positive which is so important and also with perspective to look at things objectively which is much needed when we are stressed and going through so much. 

Its great that you are going to the gym, it takes time to rebuild, but with the gym and the gardening you will get there. Its about rebuilding mentally too and that takes time. Think we can all be so hard on ourselves and we digest the negative and mull on it rather than allowing ourselves to celebrate the positive steps.

I hope you and your wife have had a good weekend and maybe managed to relax in the garden.