Afternoon everyone, 

I hope you are all well. Some of you may remember posting for around a year back in 20/21 regarding my dads colon cancer diagnosis. he had advanced colon cancer, secondary liver, he was already classed as palliative care when when we got the diagnosis, he thought so hard after being given 9 months, he lasted 18 months before he hit end of life. He was truly a soldier in every way. To be honest, I think all cancer patients soldiers, after watching dad's battle, you all put up such a brave fight! 

We lost him in October 2021, at home after 18 months of caring for him and I will be honest, It's just as hard now as it was back then. I still struggle to talk about him sometimes without crying through the pain, though I have now come to terms with the fact I will not get him back, I now have to learn to deal with the trauma of watching the pain he went through every day. Just because I don't cry so often, it doesn't mean the I'm no longer, its just the pain is now much deeper within. 

I really wanted to come back and say hello to everyone especially those that gave me so much support through such a dark time, and to let anyone know that is currently caring for someone that, it's ok to feel overwhelmed and lost, it's ok to be angry, its' ok to just want to scream, hate the world it's really ok. There have been many challenges to face since his passing, mostly with my mum who is now lost without him, they had so much left to do. They met at 13, married young and he sadly passed at 62, no age at all really. 

Shortly after he passed, I had 4 extremely large polyps removed, one of of which was 9cm and pre cancerous great! routine check ups for me, oh the joys! 

Well that's enough of me bleating on... if you remember talking back in late 20/early21 with me, let me know your well :-) xxxx