Hello, my name is Daisy, I'm 19 years old, and I'm currently sitting my A-Level Psychology exams (taught myself on my gap year before University to study Midwifery).

When I was 17, my dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He had it the first time when I was 2 years old. He's currently on Immunotherapy and doing okay.

However, very recently my mum has also been diagnosed with breast cancer, which my grandma passed away from (recently found out it's hormonally driven). It's hard to put into words how I'm dealing with this fact, due to my mum and I being extremely close. She has been dreading this my whole life, and now that it's happened it feels more like a hazy nightmare than reality.

I have my last exam on Monday, which I am looking forward to so then I can focus more on my mum and the treatments that are to come (chemo, surgery, radio and then hormonal treatments over a 5-7 year period). I believe I am coping the best I can under the circumstances, I'm more just focusing on my mum rather than how it's effecting myself. I'm doing the best I can to listen and comfort her, and give advice when I can, but I feel numb and disconnected from the whole situation deep down. I feel like I have no control over anything and that not matter how hard I try, I can't help. I don't really know how to feel, just trying to be proactive, but I do get waves of pain at night sometimes, and I can't stop hearing the doctor's voice telling us that it's cancer.

I don't want to appear selfish and that I'm only thinking about myself, I just want my mum to be okay. She's dealing with it heroically, and it's been very inspirational. The problem I think I'm having is that I'm drained and I haven't processed it fully. I'm sorta in survival mode (how I deal with stressful/traumatic events).

I'm also very anxious about leaving during her treatment for University. I want to defer and stay to help, but she won't let me due to me already taking a gap year and not wanting to put my life on hold anymore. I wish she would of been closer to where I'm going to Uni (other sides of the country).

If anyone has any advice on how to process the information of cancer affecting your parent, please let me know. And sorry for rambling on.

- Daisy