Dad struggling with recovery

My dad had appendical cancer and goblet cell.

it is a really rare form of cancer and his surgery was massive.

he had the surgery in august and still hasn't fully recovered he hasn't been able to go back to work and i think this is what is causing the depressive moods as he is stuck in the house all day every day alone as me and my mom work full time. he also has a huge hernia that is poking through the mesh that has replaced his peritoneal wall as the whole thing was removed, half his bowel, some of the intestine. the surgery was really huge.

i try to spend my lunch hour with him and ask if he wants lunch with me but he never does

he seems majorly depressed and drinks himself silly sometimes he nearly falls down the stairs and always talks about how he doesn't care anymore and is going to die soon. he is 62 in july and both of his parents died at 65, my nan was liver cancer

i worry he is going to harm himself even though he told me as a kid it's the selfish way out but recently he seems very depressed

i was wondering if anyone else has a closed off parent who acts this way, i completely get why he is feeling like this as it was such a traumatic experience but i am so scared he is going to hurt himself 

as a family we have had a really terrible 3+ years and this is the cherry on the cake it's just really worrying

we lost my moms mom to MND in 2021 and now my dad being so poorly it's took a toll on all of us we just don't know what to do to help him or ourselves 


  • Hi Anonymous

    its a tricky one - recovery really is a different beast for everyone. 
    as for your dads physical issues, I can't really comment the only thing I would say is to call your GP to ask for some advice. There are also cancer nurses you can speak to at any time by calling CRUK, or Macmillan etc who would be more than happy to try to advise you on such things.

    I think it's important for you to try and help your dad realise and come to terms with the enormity of the 'battle' he's just been through, and the strength and courage it has taken to get through it. Your dad is his own man, but he should take great pride in the fact he's put himself through all that and come out of the other side - as unfortunately many don't.

    he may also be dealing with some emotional issues due to the effects of his treatment etc. I think it's best just to talk to him (sober) - lay all the cards on the table and try to get his feelings out in the open.

    your dad is part of an elite club now he's in recovery, he's stronger than he thinks he is right now

    hope this helps

  • A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat Anonymous_2020 although I'm very sorry to hear about your dad.

    It sounds like he's been through a lot and it's understandable he may become depressed, especially if he is alone a lot, but if you're worried he may do something that will endanger his life, you need to let someone know. The Samaritans, who are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123, have a lot of useful information and advice on what to do if you're worried about someone, but do be sure to raise your concerns with his cancer team and/or GP as well.

    If you can, do try to talk to your dad about this but if you're unable to get him to open up to you, maybe you could discuss your worries with your mom instead? I'm not sure from your post if you have already done this, but if you haven't, let her know what you're thinking as she may be having similar thoughts and concerns and together you can support one another and figure out what to do next.

    We're thinking of you Anonymous_2020 and sending all our strength and support your way at this very difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hello, thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply.

    i totally agree with everything you've said, and i will definitely look into your suggestions and try to get him to open up to us more. he knows that bottling up doesn't do any good.

    i really appreciate your time ️ ️

  • Hello, thank you so much for reading and replying.

    i think the first thing i will do is talk to my mom about this because i reckon she'll be able to get through to him, she is the only person he will listen to as he idolises her.


    i appreciate this so very much ️ ️