HI Custardtart,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of your boyfriend's diagnosis. It takes some time for this to sink in and you will both be experiencing all sorts of different emotions. It is a sad fact that many of our friends disappear when we get a cancer diagnosis, partly because they don't know what to say to us. Truth is, we are still the same people. Try to talk about how he is feeling and keep your communication channels open. Is there anything he would like to do, places or people who he'd like to see? If so, perhaps you could arrange these.

Is there anything he needs that would make him more comfortable? Has he got all his paperwork in order? Does he need financial help? He may be entitled to benefits to assist with this. Is he well enough to go out to a cinema or show or to visit friends? It is good to get a bit of normality in his life that is not cancer related. Does he have any pain? If so, make sure that it is well controlled - you may need to liaise with his care team to keep on top of this. Would he be willing to give permission for you to talk to his care team about his condition? You need his permission before they can reveal anything to you. He has to authorise this with them in advance. This can be especially helpful as his condition deteriorates.

If you are able to attend his appointments with him, he would probably value your support. You have a hard journey ahead of you, but just show him that you still love and care for him and are there to support him as much as you can. His needs may change with time, so be prepared to be adaptable.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Angie,

I have read your other post and see that you have already had a difficult couple of years. A cancer diagnosis always comes as a terible shock. Waiting to find out the true extent of things, is always an anxious time. Things do move quickly though and I do hope that your husband can have some treatment. You will feel better once you have the full picture and can start to move forward. 

Please keep in touch and let us know how you're both getting on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so much for your kind words x

I am very fortunate to have a strong group of amazing friends and family to support me. He is already fed up with the biopsies and blood tests and is already saying he doesn't want any treatment. I am trying to be as strong as I can for him and all the words of support and good wishes realky do help

Xxx

Hi CustardTart,

I am glad to hear that you have a strong support network behind you. I can understand how your boyfriend feels about his tests and treatment. It can be difficult for loved ones to accept that he doesn't want any treatment, but sometimes this can be a wise decision.There is a lot to be said for quality of life over quantity of life.

Please remember that we are always here for you. You may find, as many of us have, that it's easier to talk to strangers here, who have experienced cancer first hand, than it is to hold distressing conversations with family and friends.

You will find hidden strength as you travel this journey.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so vey much. 

Sincerely your words help me.

I have been told that I will find strength that I didn't know I had and I hope this is true...at the moment it just seems so cruel and unbearable. 

Thank you again so much for your support

Xx

Hi Custardtart,

I'm glad to hear that my words are of some help, although I wish that I could do so much more. Can I ask what type of cancer your boyfriend has, how he is coping with his diagnosis and how he is keeping?

You will find the strength. It is hard to talk about it in someone so young, but try to make as many memories while you can.

We're always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi xx

They are not sure of the primary but think lung aand secondary liver . He has had a brain mri today and I am beyond terrified. 

He is coping well, he is fed up if hospital and needles and is hoping to be allowed home soon ( currently he has a chest drain in fur pleural effusion) He said he feels maby things but not fear and is glad he can say his goodbyes

Xxx

Hi Custardtart,

It sounds as if he is planning to make the most of his time. I can understand how he feels about being in hospital. All you want is to get home. I hope that his chest drain is doing its' job and making him feel more comfortable. I'm praying that the brain scan doesn't show up anything new to contend with, as you've got more than enough already. 

I nursed my mum with breast cancer, which metastasised in her liver, lungs, bone and brain, so I have some idea of what you are going through.

Kind regards,
Jolamine xx

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, It must have been so hard for you xx She was blessed to have you caring for her.

I am constantly worrying about how it will progress and have read stories about people suffering terribly and this frightens me too.

Thank you for all your kind words

Xxx